I am the Testor

Finals time. I loathe writing and proctoring exams. So, I blog. I sit around as the testor and look around at all my "testee"s and am sad that I wont' have students until next semester. I really am in the right profession. I adore teaching. Now, I get into the writing portion of my job. I have papers to get published and need about 10K by spring to get all the research done I would like to by the end of next summer. It could happen but for now I just sit around and watch my "testee"s and hope they aren't cheating on me.

My one rule about exercising

I have only one rule. Never sign up for a race. Well apparently, I have been signed up for another event or two. I am excited about both but the Krispy Kreme run sounds much less daunting. So, there is a super fancy (overpriced or maybe I am underpaid) bicycle company called Rapha. Apparently, they are now giving out merit badges. Being an Eagle Scout I love me some badges. The rub is this, I have to ride 500km over 8 days between the 23 and the 31 on a human powered bicycle (not on the handlebars while someone else peddles. Looked into that). I think that is 8 days. I was totally down for this until I did the conversion. Apparently 500km isn't from here to Krispy Kreme and back. It is more like from here to the Krispy Kreme in China and back. Alas, I have been signed up for it and thus will participate. I don't know how to train to ride 38.875 miles a day for over a week so I am designing my own training plan.

1. Buy warm Clothes. Why in the world is this in winter. I am inside right now and my toes are cold. My cycling shoes have vented toes. I am going to need shoecovers and warm jackets.
2. Exercise as little as possible. I would think that 500km on a bike would cover me for the year on exercise. My future cardiologist would appreciate me exercising but come on. So, since Dr. Spaceman doesn't have a say so yet, I am saying that this will cover me for December and plan to be as still as possible until the 24.
3. Build up energy reserves. I am not dieting my way through the holidays so you can forget it!

muffin tops rides again!

4. Bring Bike out of hiding. Since the Passing on the Left Running Club (PoLR Club?) has formed and the baby born, I have biked less. Perhaps this will get me back in the habit. I kind of miss it.
5. Buy more stretchy clothes. No one looks sillier than a fat guy in spandex. Ask me how I know. I have always said they should publish a weight limit in the bike clothes. I am not huge but big enough that they don't stock my size. Oh how I don't look forward to being this cold.

Ride to Redemption?
Ride to Lunch maybe. 

So in short, I am screwed. If you thought throwing up rainbows and my shoes after a half marathon was bad stick around. By new years day I will be filled with sadness and regret and my resolution will be to hunt down the person who has signed me up and then collapse because the hunting will wear me out. All for a merit badge.

oh the holidays

It's not cold thus according to the Russian supermodel it is more difficult to get in the Christmas spirit. I have tried lots of things. Decorate. Nope. Listen to Loads of Christmas Music. Nope. Go look at all the pretty lights... Nope. We went last night to the zoo where my sister works and did all sorts of festive things. There were lights. It was most of the Family. Brother in Law still has his schedule and missed this activity. It must kill him and I hate it for him. Anyway, I rode the train with the family to go look at lights. Stay-Puft in my arms cried because she was scared before we started. She then got the idea and was happy but clung to me. I don't mean to be all sappy but she clung to me. Up till this point she smiled and laughed at everyone. She probably would have clung to anyone but she didn't. She clung to me! This was her call from the governor at 11:59. She can stick around. See the night before there is some debate as to whether or not (NOT is the answer) she said Momma. So we all agree she was holding onto me for support and so she is mine. Thank you Russian Supermodel for birthing this up-till-now parasite, I like her. But this is not Holiday Spirit. What am I doing wrong?

We have not gone and shopped for presents for anyone yet really. I will say though shopping in these crowds does not put me in the Holiday Spirit. They make me cling to plush children's toys that play music and rock back and forth and basically look like Rainman without all the special abilities. I am hoping that wrapping some presents and putting them under the tree will help. We will see. What do you guys do? Are you all cheery? Switch Pandora to Holiday Music? Bad Sweaters? Am I just too early?

Baby Jesus Vomit

The holiday season is upon us! I typically am a strict "not before December  holiday decorator. I was forced out of this on Friday and brought up our two plastic totes of decorations on Friday after work. I was only 8 hours early and its what the Russian wanted. She had planned and organized schedules for a dinner party with 6 of our friends. At the last minute two could not make it due to self quarantine  The pox is upon there house and so I wish them no ill will and actually want to thank them publicly for not infecting the rest of us. If there were more people like Rick and Dub Dub who self quarantined during sickness a zombie apocalypse would be a non issue.

Actual photo from race. I almost wept

So, dinner party. Wait no, Decorations. So Friday  night we decorate the house. Some of you may have seen pictures of it on the supermodel's book of faces. For readers among you who haven't, it was described to me this morning as "Christmas threw up" in my living room. Saturday we woke up and took the family to Krispy Kreme (not the rapper). I can now consider this training as there is a race in January. 2 miles. Eat a dozen doughnuts. 2 more miles. No only will I be competitive in a race for once in my life, I can almost guarantee a victory in the first 2/3 of that race. Anyway, while I was training, there was a car show going on in the parking lot. My name is Big Cat and I have a problem. There I said it. I adore cars. Every aspect. Aesthetics  technical design, performance, all of it. It is one topic about which you can never learn everything and opinions are welcome. I love them. J'dore. So I may have eaten too fast. I may have taken El Fox (Stay-puft) and run to go look at a lowered VW Bus from like 1962 parked next to a Plymouth Fury. sigh. I have my truck but dream of a garage to work on it and buy the car of my dreams. So doughnuts and cars then to go get the pick up and the dog. We were off to get a pretty Christmas tree.

June Bug and Senor Toilet getting ready to tree shop

For years we cut down our own in the backyard. This felt wholesome and american. Last year we had to drive forever to go to a tree farm and do the same. The supermodel hated every minute of this.  Our back-stories differ. She and her mother bought pretty trees and had themes to decorate them differently every year. My family all loaded up in the car to a tree farm, rode a tractor to the field and spend hours listening to mother debating size to bald spot ratios, and using my sister and I as place markers to save the current best. I would then try to use the bow saw to cut it down, my father would then cut it down. Hot chocolate and a car ride later we were home. Father was in charge of lights then the rest of us put on the ornaments. We each get 1 new ornament a year and so each one on the tree is special and brings up memories. This doesn't make for a uniform department store tree but it says a lot about each of us.

We had to have a sit down and discuss this disconnect. We went with a hybrid but it was a big deal. Marriage is hard sometimes and apparently Christmas Tree decor is one of these things. A blend works well and in the end her fancy tree she got from a local big box store had so many limbs that we put all the ornaments on that we had or were gifted to us. It is quite full now and no two bulbs of the same color are too close to one another on the strings of lights. That is a big deal. Ask me how I know. Two red bulbs next to each other - earth shattering. Janky homemade stockings - perfect. I don't understand. That is why I am the sous decorator. It looks baller and festive and Carols a plenty.

We are so much fun

I was also sous chef for the party. My  wife can flat out cook. She once said she feels more like herself when she is baking. That is fine and good but what comes out of the oven makes me BE more of myself. I get big. Menu for party: Roast in red wine with egg noodles. Homemade rolls. Dessert, Bread Pudding. Of course she made the brioche from scratch and when the first one didn't make her happy she made up her own recipe and tried again! Then made a sauce full of bourbon! I like to think of that as a sort of renewing our vows. I am recommitted to her after this meal. Our friend brought a delicious salad with toasted pine nuts and avocado that was to die for. The others were in charge of the pickled herring. I was dubious until I tried it and it was delicious. I felt so very Scandinavian. I am practically Garrison Keillor after eating that.

I cleaned some night of and woke up
early to finish cleaning before wife woke up

The same friend who told me Christmas vomited all over my house also said she recently read an article about the death of the dinner party(found link. of couse she reads the times). People apparently don't do it anymore. I say bring it back. I never have more fun that when we have people over or are at another persons home just laughing and enjoying our different points of view. Sorry, I just think its dumb that we all sit at home and watch TV alone and then when we get together, all we discuss is what we watch on TV.  Dumb. Invite some people over and make dinner. It doesn't have to be fancy. Lord knows I am bad at fancy. I plan on having more people over before the season is over just because I can and I may just cook Chicken and Dumplings

Okay to sum up. things i like:
Doughnuts
Dinner Guests
Decorations for holidays of any sort
Delicious Food
and 1954 Oldsmobile Rocket 88 as a mild custom (but i'm not picky)

If this is going to be that kind of party...

Back at work. Today's update is sponsored by cold medicine so stop judging me.

Thanksgiving was incredible. It always is. I got loads of family time and food and we celebrated. The baby was perfect even though we asked a lot of her and ruined her schedule over and over. The boys were polite and wonderful. I even went so far as to participate in day of thanksgiving christmas shopping. I know. Mr. Thanksgiving batting for the other team but it was to spend time with my aunt and grandmother and I had a nice time. Do I wish it had been friday night? sure.

It was lovely and now we start the countdown to december and christmas season.

Working for the Weekend

Weekend isn't even here yet and I am exhausted. Highlights of events to come. Baby shower at work. Two birthday parties for Wilson to attend one where they play mine-craft and the other is paintball. Seeing new bond movie with brother in law who must have heard my cries of sorrow (for the record we want our wives to come but can't find babysitters. We also may have not tried to find any). Saturday night fancy dinner at Little Savannah where I bartered some training for a fancy dinner. Sunday, I don't remember but I feel like something is happening. Also, stay-puft has given up. She doesn't care to sit up or crawl. She has found a better mode of transportation. She is still working on the routine but she now does "the worm" to get where she is going. Kid-n-Play would be so jealous. Pictorial version of upcoming weekend:

Sunday?

Sweet Jesus please let Thanksgiving get here soon!

Ramping up to Party Time

We are now one week away from our communal feast in this country. Biggie's my mother's family is on an every other year schedule of returning to the old homestead for this feast. This is to accommodate travelers and just makes sense. The year's in Dale County, AL are some of my fondest memories. We eat, then take a walk in the woods, then some form of sports in the front yard, then we eat again. The walk in the woods is where at some point in my youth on a particularly cold day fell into a creek and had to be rushed home to avoid hypothermia. Ask my mother and her kin about this story. They love to tell it over and over again and it may be on a VHS tape somewhere. Year's at biggie's my maternal grandmother's house are my favorite. 

This however is the other year. Mother is hosting this year. Her little sister and mother are coming to her newly renovated kitchen to cook and eat. The deadline for the renovation was "in time for thanksgiving." I appreciate this. In recent news, the boys (Wilson and Mr. Fabulous) will be in town for this and we are excited about this. They have requested sweet potatoes with marshmallow's and Wilson's famous Mac N Cheese. The boy can make a Mornay sauce. Which is basically a Béchamel sauce with shredded or grated cheese added but I am not sure his counts since the cheese is Velveta and cut into cubes. Either way, its very yummy.

Now is the time for Thanksgiving. My krewe all went to 2Pop and Biggie's last Saturday to watch the Alabama game and eat 2Pop's famous smoked chicken wings. Needless to say for most of you Texas A&M won and it honestly took the wind out of my and the supermodel's sails. She got a bit grumpy to be honest. We went upstairs near the end to finish watching the game and eat wings and after it was over, I was asked to set up the Wii. The mother formerly known as Biggie has lost A TON of weight by drinking what amounts to juice boxes and eating a healthy green dinner. She has stuck with it and its awesome. Now she has decided she wants to exercise and thinks she might play Just Dance if it were set up. I set it up and turned it on and a dance party broke out.

At some point my sister and the twins show up and the dance party escalates. I have video of this. I am not at liberty to share it. Mother busted a move (prior to being dressed in yellow or saying hello, see video). Boys danced. I danced. Sister really danced. Then 2pop did his best "I'm getting ready for the nursing home" dance. He sits in an easy chair and just the arm motions like he was ready for his Sit-n-Shop or hover-round. Bless his soul. So we had a dance party and ate wings. The only thing missing to make it perfect was the missing Brother in Law. He had to work and I hate his current work schedule as much or more than he does. At some point I looked up and realized that some dumb football game shouldn't be able to ruin my day. A dance party trumps everything else. Everything! So get out your favorite dancing shoes, find your nice wheelchair if your 2pop, and dance like nobody is looking and be thankful. Above all else be thankful. Political arguments are dumb. Dancing also dumb but nobody gets mad (until you video tape them).

T-Give Manifesto

Well done sir. Well done.

additionally

Also, Walmart opens at 8 on thanksgiving day for Christmas sales. How long until thanksgiving is completely sacrificed so that we can shop for poorly manufactured tv's and deals on stuff we don't need? Boo black Friday. People die over this. Just sad

France?

I don't know who you are out there. I can see who looks at this poorly edited blog of mine where grammar is a four letter word. I know this gets posted on the book of faces by the supermodel and my sister (who got a special shout out during Mr. Fabulous' blessing last night after the dog but before me). I assume this is how you find me. 2Pop said he read this and I worried. Are you people I know? Or that I should remember from my youth? Please don't be the provost but if you are reading this, you are great.

I know iowa girl in bama reads, who are the rest of you and why don't you comment. Do I need a "like" button on here?

I write this because I am the funniest person I know and like to work on my storytelling even if it is to myself. Plus google image searching is fun. So to those of you in France, Turkey, Russia, Thailand (Nok!), etc. keep reading and I will keep writing.

Most wonderful season

The carrot rather than the stick

Well that's over. Thank goodness. Wife loves her some politics and is vocal as most supermodels are. I try and ignore it all because every two years it ruins the most wonderful time of the year. The period between Halloween and Thanksgiving. My reasons are infallible. First, the children of age have huge bags of candy they collected but that are managed by the grown-ups of the house. Leverage. Children will do a lot for candy. Best uses of the year so far are in no particular order: to practice for a spelling bee that they don't want to compete in, to rake the leaves of the yard before all of them have fallen, and to get them to try new foods. "We would love some broccoli as long as we get our two pieces of candy for a clean plate!"

Can't we all just get along drink together

Reason two is that Thanksgiving is the only holiday based around a meal. Sure you get bar-b-ques for the 4th and Christmas Dinner but, the centerpiece of Thanksgiving is the meal. I am a fat kid. A country fat kid. I need my great-grandmother's chicken and dumplings on the third Thursday. Third, the weather is all over the place but you are almost guaranteed a few really good cold days to remember that winter is coming and you need sweaters, cider, and snuggles. Dog snuggles, supermodel snuggles, and recently added baby snuggles all count in my world.

A friend of ours the iowa girl in bama is keeping up with all the things she is thankful for this month. That is a straw poll I can get behind. A season of thankfulness? Screw election season. There I said it. It is divisive and hateful and no one wins. The radio today on the ride in to work was all abuzz with grumps. Who is Grumpy the day after Thanksgiving? No one! This is the second most patriotic holiday of the year and I would argue the first. The 4th really? We made a declaration and then had a bloody war and were starving and cold. Wrong order. Thanksgiving we were starving and cold because of a desire for freedom and made peace with the locals and they helped us survive and had a feast to celebrate. Yes please.

Everybody loves snacks

I digress. I love this season. It is universal in this country so no bickering over an assault on Christmas  No one left out because they don't believe in a bunny helping a savior find his peeps. No haunted houses to attempt to cause me to urinate or defecate on myself. No fat winged baby with a weapon putting pressure on relationships.

In a 4 team playoff format of holidays I say Christmas comes in the favorite and the #1 spot. Thanksgiving is #2. Then, Easter and Halloween round out the pugilists  Independence day is the number 5 holiday who will complain about being left out but everyone knows the right 4 are in the tournament.

Thanksgiving draws Easter in the first round and wins in a landslide because it is more inclusive, better food and better sports on TV to nap through. Christmas struggles with the number 4, Halloween. Kids are pumped because of candy and presents but the adults give Christmas the win because the holiday from work is longer and you get presents as an adult which is rare. Championship match is T-give versus X-mas (as they are known on tha streets). I see Thanksgiving winning. Yes other religions celebrate during the same time as Christmas but the stress of presents and seeing everyone you "need to see" becomes overwhelming. Thanksgiving is by in large stress free time to see family or friends or both and gather around heaping piles of good food and discuss things that we are all thankful for and that draw us together. Thanksgiving wins and the crowd goes wild!

We all have our own traditions but I think more emphasis on Thanksgiving Season, despite its low impact on the consumer spending index, would benefit our country as a whole unless you worry about things like childhood obesity rates.

Not fat. Just a big fan of Thanksgiving

Sponsored by Acme

Trust me this is real. I'm a scientist.

Another glorious weekend in paradise. Where to begin. Friday evening we went to dub dub and local-TV-celebrity's house for dinner as a running club. Children disappeared to the basement and we had a glorious meal and just hung out. Baby was good and went right to sleep and accommodated our adult evening out. The p-chemist brought a delicious salad after he got done playing in traffic. Which reminded me how much i missed salads this summer. Why didn't I eat more of them? Dub dub cooked her amazing wide pasta  and red sauce with buttery garlicky bread. I am sure there is some fancy technical term but to me it was nom nom nom. Baby stay puft gets her omnomnomivore status from me.

The dinner was to preclude another attempt at running in an athletic styled event. I was immediately asked if I had signed up and was ready to go to which I responded, "I don't sign myself up for races." I see no need to volunteer myself for such events. If anyone chooses to get me signed up I would participate. This is true for all of you out there in internetlandia. Have a race in Turkey you want me to run? Can you get me there? Then I would be happy to attend. (assuming there will be time for snacks) I had to register the next day, myself. Dessert was the supermodels first attempt at creme brule and my second time to use my propane plumbing torch. It was delicious. So delicious in fact that local-TV-celebrity suggested that we eat the children's portion. We did. Do I feel bad? Nope.

Not me. 

Crack of 6:30 on Saturday I am at the Boutwell Auditorium. The Vulcan Run is a 10K through downtown Birmingham. Race was to start at 8 and the only snacks in the vicinity were at the Greyhound Station. I did not partake. This race went about like the last. I finished after the person who won. My time was faster than I expected and I didn't get sick. So, it was a win. I LOVED the course and would do it again if signed up for it. I then met the supermodel and her 3 minions/spawn at Sam Super Samwhiches (not a typo) for breakfast samwhiches and relaxing in downtown Homewood. I met her there because she already had packed the appropriate humans in the car and had driven to cheer for me. She assumed that I would run 30 minute miles I guess. Such a lack of faith. Then, we rush home, shower, dress, and get to the last game of my soccer coaching tenure.

It went about like all the others but with injuries. My best defender shows up late then trips over his own feet, lands on his head and gives himself a concussion. Way to be a team player. He was fine. After this run home to meet 2Pop and Biggie grandmother. The supermodel, biggie, stay puft and myself went antiquing all over and had a really good time. Wish I had remembered the stroller as the baby has become quite a lot to carry. Boys went with 2Pop and ate Krispy Kreme, Milo's, and made sandcastles on the beach volleyball court at the park. Picked up boys and dropped off the matriarch formerly known as Biggie at her house and make it home just in time to watch the Alabama-LSU Game of the Year Honey I Shrunk the Kids.

Still not me. 

I remember this movie with great fondness for two reasons. Sleeping in a LEGO and eating the worlds largest oatmeal creme pie. After re-watching it, it is still a great movie but I still want the same two things. Texted with my farmer girl from Noonanza during the movie about how much fun it would be to be shrunk. I feel like my whole life has been spent preparing for the horrible moment in movies that will never happen to me. I will never survive a plane crash on a deserted island, I will never be shrunk by my father,  and I won't be required to survive a zombie apocalypse (which may be a good thing. I scare easily).

Why would I turn the
valve all the way off?

Sunday was spent in hunter-gatherer mode. Re-stocking the kitchen for the hoard and helping the boys rake leaves. Other than being embarrassed at fantasy football again (Naming the team "Sandusky's Tickle Monsters" might have jinxed me) all was well until the supermodel, thinking that I was faking the exhaustion from the day before decided to make like interesting. I left the room for one minute and she called upon her freakish supermodel strength and broke the handle off the kitchen sink. I almost cried. I knew what needed to be done. Super (mediocre) handyman dad would have to fix said handle. As I took it apart water began gushing out of the top and soaking the kitchen. Got that valve completely closed and find part to be replaced. No washing dishes in the bathtub for us! Take Wilson (boy 1) for moral support and go to the super convenient hardware store to be told bluntly that they didn't have and would never have what I needed to fix the sink. I mean guy walks up and looks at what I have in my hand and says, "we don't have it." He then just turned and walked away. Wilson then says he wants to go home. I then drop him off at the house and head to inconvenient Hardware Store #2. Meet 2Pop there who seemed to want to just get out of the house. I find the part and go home and fix it. No fanfare. No trumpets. No confetti. This is what happens when you can do things. People expect it.

That's a centerfold I can get behind

I am now exhausted, hungry, slightly wet, etc. etc. The supermodel offers my weakness, take out Chinese food in the little boxes. She offers to go get it even. Swoon. She is the greatest woman in the world. Women take note, when your current boy-toy is at his weakest offer him what he desires most. In my case, its food. She has me for life for that small token of "I don't mind getting out to get it." I get all excited and fold clothes and get all the other chores done. Boys are sent to bed. Baby is checked on as she has been asleep for hours. Wife calls....

"That's totally what I saw!
I googled it!"

Apparently on our street, in an unkempt area, the supermodel with brutish strength has now become wildlife expert as she has spotted a coyote. I had heard tell of this being true in our very urban/suburban area. I scoffed then and I scoffed at my wife. Apparently she was wearing her glasses and she googled it and that is "totally" what she saw. I would have argued or asked for more details when she came back but she had egg rolls. In the game broken sink/coyote/egg rolls. Sink wins but egg rolls beat coyote.

She and I retired to the basement and watched *insert awful action movie here* and I ate too much. There was snuggling and it was a glorious weekend.

Supermodel Scrooge

long break between posts. I am awful.

Advising Future Doctors

Its Halloween  I am wearing my "I'm a Treat" shirt and loving it. The weather is glorious, the baby is healthy and we are at these weird doldrums in the semester where I get to just teach and not worry about grades and tests convincing people to drop before they fail. (there is advising but come on who doesn't love doling out advice). I digress.

I haven't written because of being busy with work but also, it has been so beautiful of late that I have actually requested spending time with family. Strange I know. Yesterday, baby stay puft had an appointment at the doctor where her parents found out she is still quite large with a side of snotty nose. I then went and retrieved our other two children, Wilson and Mr. Fabulous. We then enjoyed the best kind of fun, forced family fun. I enjoyed it and the boys better look back on these years as the best years they have ever had so help me god. We all went for a stroll through our neighborhood. We love to do this when time allows. It is possible that we are the only family that does this sort of thing but I force this type of family fun because you can't convince me that it isn't post war 1955. After getting back, the boys and I set out to carve pumpkins.

My actual truck. It's fabulous (to me)

Pandora "Family Halloween" station, lazy magnolia beer, and carving pumpkins on the back of my truck. This is the recipe for a near perfect fall afternoon. This is where we hit the rub. Apparently the Russian Supermodel doesn't celebrate Halloween. She has in the past when friends threw parties and was the life of the party and the star of the after party but with just her family she can't find a reason to get dressed up. She is now Scrooge Mc'Ducking the rest of us by not dressing up Princess Chunkykins either! Stay Puft was the key to extra candy. Babies equal at least double candy allotments per house. I may Bush era Halloween Candy Tax for Moms expire. No more first dibs out of the boys bags!

She couldn't be bothered

Ruined both applicable
holidays for me!

I have a theory. First, this past weekend while Mr. Fabulous was spending the night away, Wilson and I drank cider and played Battleship in front of the fire. (yes it is cold enough for a fire) This made her want to decorate for Christmas! Blasphemy I say. I know she wouldn't decorate this early but now she has it on the brain. Who throws Halloween and more importantly Thanksgiving under the bus for stinking Christmas? Ghost Pilgrims are rolling in their graves. Second! I know for a fact that the artsy little hostess(cake) with the most-est hiding out behind her "sexy scientist" costume is dying to start a family tradition of a costume party at our house for the event. I think she is boycotting because she can't have her party. Let her have her party and see the hand-sewn bespoke one-off sexy yet appropriate regalia that she creates out of bits of string and found objects.

So the day at work is drawing to a close and I am nibbling on chocolates and staring at my three wee pumpkins on my desk enjoying this first holiday of fall while my Smoking Hot Supermodel Wife tries to think of ways to get out of trick or treating. For shame.

Love is in the air (in Mexico)

Lunch at Hall-Kent

Yeah so love is apparently in the air at the boys elementary school. To catch you all up to speed, last year Wilson (the elder) was hounded by the fairer sex all of last year. By hounded, I mean to say that he was chased around the school and playground and had his shins kicked in. There were constant bruises and discussions of wearing shin guards under his jeans were discussed. It culminated in gang (yes gang) of these girls hyped up on the deluge of hormones that accompanies pre-pubescence, cornering poor Wilson on the playground and attempting to rip his favorite shirt from his body thus revealing his HotBod®. His mother has saved this shirt along with other bits of the boys youth in a box labeled blackmail to be used "only in case of wedding rehearsal."

Sword Fight!

This as well as Wilson matured over the summer and he informed his mother and I at the breakfast table this morning that he in fact has a girlfriend. His first. She is shy and nice and they are very quiet about the whole thing. We had been tipped off to this fact by another parent. The supermodel was not happy that she was the last to know and did her best Spanish inquisition reenactment this morning (without all the roman catholic business and was wearing her confederate uniform replica. It was her only reenactment gear clean). Apparently I tease him too much about his budding romance and so it was hidden from the family. I told him I would relent so to avoid any Shakespearean Drama (Mr. Fabulous would totally be Tybalt. Starts a sword fight to save his family and then is killed by that family member).

Do you or do you not have a girlfriend?

Now we have traveled back in time to kill Mercutio and punish non-Catholics but have yet to mention Mexico. How does this fit in you ask? Mr. Fabulous has been cornered! His attackers similar to his brothers. Now before I continue I have to tell you that Mr. Fabulous has had many, many girlfriends. Many of these terms in office ran concurrently. After one tailgate in the Grove he came back and informed us that he was dating the majority of the Tri-Delta sorority. Shy he is not but alas the tables have turned.

Poor Mr. Fabulous

His attackers serenaded him with the classic school yard ditty, "I want to go to Mexico. Grab [Mr. Fabulous] by the hips and kiss him on the lips. I want to go to Mexico." I know all are thinking that is classic and about the last time you heard this. The supermodel and I had never heard this one. I blame it my sub par schooling. He tried to relay this to us at dinner but was so embarrassed that he couldn't get through it and Wilson had to relay the exact words of the song. We have found the one thing that Mr. Fab can't stand. Girls liking him back. Alas, yesterday the tune had changed to I don't want to go to Mexico, No No No. Girls are so fickle.

She didn't want to go to Mexico

I tried the song out on the supermodel. Apparently it only works coming from the female and upon her refusal no one stepped in to run her through with a sword for dishonoring me (It was after Tybalt's bed time). So, I am looking for a babysitter so that I can take the supermodel to Mexico and to keep the boys from ever going there.

Hotty Toddy

Wilson's best friend

Weekend away from home was needed. Wilson had developed two separate rashes in as many weeks and was on enough Benadryl to gentle a horse and was still kicking. Mr. Fabulous survived a week of birthday festivities including an artificially red strawberry cake. Red really isn't the word. That would be like saying grape flavoring in cold medicine tastes like grapes. This was the color of a cherry slush puppy. There was so much food coloring that it tasted more like food coloring that strawberry cake. I digress.

A weekend away. There was a mad rush Friday to make this happen but we got the family packed and on the road and make the quick jaunt to Oxford, MS. 

(Well, no we didn't. We went to Water Valley Mississippi to drop the boys off to spend time with their dad's family. Where we got to spend time with the supermodels ex-inlaws and introduce stay puft. I would be lying if i said that this was anything but strange. These are some of the nicest people you can meet and are welcoming and invite you in and offer you sweet tea and a spot on the porch. They ooo and ahh over the baby and then you realize that this is odd. The boys grandfather is sincere and honest and pulled me to the side to thank me for raising the boys right (humbling). I always leave knowing two things. 1. I have to continue to not kill the boys and 2. It is odd to spend time with your ex-in/out laws twice removed. Not bad, just odd.)

rough sketch of noonanza

We then go to Paris, MS to visit the petting zoo that is Noonanza. This is the home of my former doctoral adviser and his wife , two children, father, one of his grad students, 4 dogs, 2 cats, 2 rats, ~30 chickens, ~5 goats, 5 African spur-thigh-ed tortoises of a size that allows children to ride them, 3 peacocks, a plethora of heritage breed turkeys, a parrot, a gaggle of geese, whatever is living is their sons room (probably a few snakes) and I think that is it. I know I left some out and they will correct me but that is all I can remember off the top of my head. Its more of a compound with various homes and barns and coops.  Its always a good time. 

Apple Pie flavor to be exact

In our weekend there we had raw goats milk with Oreo's, alligator tail, rabbit (that's what i forgot! load of these.), moonshine and other things that just don't come to mind as far as locally raised or personally killed in the case of the alligator. This is a quality family. We had a wonderful time and ate like kings. Their daughter took control of stay puft's care and may have a permanent job if she is willing to drop out of middle school and leave her family. (If that qualifies as human trafficking so be it.) 

We spent the day Saturday visiting old friends (the Candy Lady and the Jedi) and then lounging in The Grove™. The baby giant was passed around and drinks were poured. The weather was glorious and apparently there was a football game. Did we have tickets and could we have gone? Yes but who leaves good company and great food to watch non-Crimson Tide football? Everyone before they die should regardless of sports fandom spend a game day in The Grove™. Trust me. Girls in cocktail dresses and tall shoes competing to see who can walk the furthest without falling down or spilling their bourbon should be an Olympic event. I even got to go walk around my old building and be glad its not my building anymore. It was nice. 

The noonan boy and my dinner

Back at the ranch that evening the festivities continued well into the evening. I am happy to report that I stayed away past 9 both nights. Big weekend for me. Home brewed beer was had as well as other blue ribbon winning beer. The gator was fried. The wings were fried. The rabbit was wascally and delicious. We crashed at the end of the night. 

Sunday morning, the mythical beast that is stay puft and I took a walk to see the barnyard animals as we had done the day before but we went to visit the patriarch of the group who is a rock star woodworker and a philanthropist with a heart of gold. He and I sat and drank coffee, watched the baby play, and enjoyed a thunderstorm blowing in. Best morning ever. Lazy Sunday followed a lazy Saturday and then we came home and jumped into the busiest week I have had in a long time. Go figure. I did remember why I love the supermodel and how fun it spend time with friends with her hanging on my arm. 

Napping through and Kitchen Renovation

After the party was over, every one went to their respective rooms to nap. Mr. Fabulous (aka Dr. Toilet) and Wilson complained and were both asleep within 5 minutes. Wilson had retreated to a friends house to miss the party and stayed up late as well. I never went to sleep because naps make me grumpy. I don't know why but I do know I loathe this about myself. After one hour, Wilson was up. After two and a half I was forced to wake his mother as I had gotten a two minute warning from 2-pop(my father) that he and his contractor friend who will be known as Bob the Builder (BtB). We had known for some time that with my parents kitchen remodel we would be getting hand me down appliances. There was much rejoicing. I was not however prepared to get the phone call.

What do you mean it doesn't fit.
Of course I measured. I used a yard stick

I was told they were two minutes away and I should disconnect and remove my dishwasher and refrigerator so as to speed up the process of replacing them. You know two minutes is enough time. I will not complain about doing the work because I later caught the supermodel hugging the new fridge. The dishwasher went in without a hitch while the fridge wanted to fight us. It was 1/8 of an inch too tall to fit under the cabinet above. First, the front feet are lowered. Not enough. Then there is what 2pop refers to as "figurin" which he has no taste for. It is decided by BtB and 2pop that the rear wheels have to come off  as well. I am the toter in all this. I tote tools from the basement to the kitchen for them as they call out their names. "Thingamgig?" "I've got twenty." (But who cares... I want moooooorrrreeeeeee. Sorry couldn't stop in the middle.) My quads have begun to burn from trips up and down the stairs when I ask if there is anything I can do to help out BtB in return for all this help in the kitchen. The answer had been discussed while on one of my trips to the basement before I asked.

More or less my basement. Yes, including the statue of Eric

Picture this, I am in basketball shorts, flip-flops, and a t-shirt toting my welder and welding helmet to the driveway. I was to weld the sides back onto his trailer where they had broken free. I was pumped. No more toting, I get to weld, and I don't owe anyone any favors at the end of the day. That task got done and it is always nice to weld again even if I do smell like singed hair afterwards according to the supermodel. And does she have to tell everyone that I set my jeans on fire when I took my welding class? It happens to everybody.

Mr. Fabulous was woken up in the middle of all of this but was not truly with us until some time Sunday. Lack of sleep we have found is the only thing that can stop his mouth and his appetite. Don't tell his teachers though as they may ask up to get all Gitmo at home and do sleep deprivation trials and we may agree to them.

Link to song so you can REALLY get it stuck in your head.