Sugar Socks

     Long weekends should be long for all the right reasons however, it seems that I have found a way to make mine fly by and yet maintain the exhaustion of a fun filled weekend.

     Sons 1 and 2 were escorted to Cuba to meet their father for a weekend full of what son 2 called “activities.” Hearing Dr. Toilet talk about “activites” makes me more nervous that Iran discussing nuclear “power.” On the way home, plans were made to go and help 2pop, my father, and biggie, my mother (who hates her pseudonym but how can you have a 2pop without a biggie?) prepare for their regression from fully-functioning kitchen to dorm. I arrived home to find that prior to going to their house I would be joining friends for a jog around the neighborhood at 7. This is before FomF/Chubby Cheeks/Baby Stay Puft arises in the morning. No boys to wake us up. No work. Sleep in? No chance. Simple solution, I will back out and no one will be worse for wear. Nope, we are meeting at my house. It’s okay, I am a fatty and it will be good for me.

cutest smile ever! 

      Now, our running team/club is an amalgamation of everyday super heroes. We will start with the local celebrity, Rick. He is the reason for the running. I was duped into a half marathon. It will be good for me and I am excited and Baby Stay Puft gets it from her daddy so I need a run. His wife, Dub Dub Goose/Jay Dub Jay, is the runner among us and could drop us like 3^rd period French whenever she felt like it but is slumming it among the people and keeping her pace reined in. Third member is Warren who is currently plotting with me to undo the Coachification of myself. Plan is this, dress him in drag (his idea), take him to practice Thursday, and introduce him as my partner Felacia (his stage name). He assures me that this will preclude me working with large groups of young boys. Finally, there is Felacia’s partner John. John is a member of the group that makes the pinnacle of the nerd community.

I'm the one on the left. 

     Nerds versus Geeks is a debate that rages amongst member of both sides. Nerds include scientists, computer programmers, and statisticians. Geeks are comic book collectors, gamers, and attendees of comic-con. These two groups are not mutually exclusive and frankly overlap quite often. Geek hierarchy may have casual gamers, and comic book readers at its base and moving up you reach Cos-players who dress as increasing obscure comic/game/sci-fi characters and attend Cons. At the peak of this I would place LARPers: Live Action Roleplay. These are the young men (sadly this is male dominated society as I have experienced) who dress in chain mail and fight on the green spaces of local universities. These are the Geek Gods. Sure Ren Fairs or Cosplay at Cons could be included but I will never speak ill of an opportunity to ogle women (read as: Botanist at Illinois Natural History Survey) who choose to dress in increasingly complex boned and laced apparatuses that package their bits and bobs and parade as wenches, maids, and ladies of the court for a day.

    I digress. Nerds are a different beast. I put physicists who work at the sub atomic level near the top of the heap here but they will never surpass John. He is a physical chemist. I have the greatest respect for this field and for him for doing it. I view p-chemists the same way I view salesmen. I am glad someone is out there doing it and doing it well but I would starve if its how I had to make a living. Seriously its hard.

    So everyone shows up at my door at 7 (except Rick) and off we go. Ten and a half miles later I realize that my shoes are so big and dopey looking  that they make me look like I would run in circles without them. Dogs that lack back legs and have an ass-chariot to drag their back end look like they have more business running a half marathon than I do in these shoes. I think that the real problem is shoe envy and Dub Dub, Felacia, and John all have shoes that would get lost in bag of skittles and make them look more Usain Bolt than Usain Dolt. 

I am speed!

   Couple this superficial personal issue with shin splints and I am worthless. The bones of my shins are worthless and spongy. The solutions to this are to run more often at shorter distances, rest and stay off of them until they heal, or wear compression socks. Don’t get the idea that I will look as sporty as Allen Iverson in his compression sleeve. No John was quick to call them Sugar Socks. Diabetic Socks are the perfect complement to my shoes. 

Lingerie for Handy-Capable Runners

    2pop and Biggie's kitchen is functional and their range doesn’t contain an eye of shame (mine does and it could burn water or freeze it depending it’s mood). The parental kitchen is however not appropriate for the amount of progeny my sister and I have acquired in the last year through marriage/miracle of medicine/old fashioned baby making. My role in this is to help pack and put away kitchen into boxes (large boxes) which then will be carried along with all of the furniture away. Stairs were involved. The dining room furniture is seeking palliative care on craigslist as it will soon be the much less formal eat-in portion of the kitchen.

During all of this a student guilt-ed me into attending a football game in the rain. When the highlight of the day is standing in the rain alone watching football, you realize sugar socks aren’t the end of the world. I returned to 2pop and biggie’s to watch Bear Bryant’s boys beat up on Michigan while Stay Puft continued to charm the family with smiles and then hex them with her growls as soon as backs were turned.

Big Saturday: Usain Dolt in Sugar Socks moving furniture and standing in the rain. It’s no wonder the supermodel adores me.