Thursday, March 28, 2013

The Grimm Reaper visits...again

The supermodel and I either have weak immune systems or we live with disease vectors...

Also, I know she has a degree in pharmacology and rat torture (ask her about loopy) but I am not sure if I should trust her with my meds. The last few nights I have been rolling around in sort of a drug addled state. I remember standing at my dresser at some point drinking baptist bourbon (NyQuil) straight from the bottle. Obviously,  that makes me a baptist drunk because just like its non-evangelical equal, Jagermeister, they are both served in shot glasses. Giving up the shot glass in lieu of getting it straight from the tap equals "a problem."

I mean cold meds are fun when you are teaching but not when I am trying to sleep! That is sacred time. I usurped her self-given authority and took two Benedryl and slept like a baby. I plan on waking up at some point later today hopefully.

p.s. in looking for fun pictures I came across this....
Dear sweet Jesus! Stuncapher I am looking to you to make
this happen!
Dayquilroni (Dayquil Negroni)

1.5 oz Gin
1.5 oz Sweet vermouth
.75 oz Campari
.75 oz DayQuil
Instructions:
Combine all ingredients in shaker and stir. Strain into rocks glass with fresh ice. Garnish with orange slice.

or option two....


Lights Out Old Fashioned
1.5 oz Bourbon or rye whiskey (Bulleit Rye or Wild Turkey 101, recommended)
1 oz Sleepytime simple syrup*
15 ml NyQuil
1 dash Angostura bitters
2 dashes Regans’ Orange Bitters No. 6
Instructions:
In a chilled rocks glass, combine the whiskey, Sleepy Time simple syrup and nyquil over a single large ice cube. Add bitters. Garnish with orange peel (optional).

*Sleepytime Simple Syrup:
Cold-steep one bag of Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Herbal Tea in pre-made simple syrup (1 part water, 1 part sugar) for 1-2 minutes, depending on how much of the tea flavoring you want to incorporate
Instructions:
In a chilled rocks glass, combine the whiskey, Sleepy Time simple syrup and nyquil over a single large ice cube. Add bitters. Garnish with orange peel (optional).

Spring Break

like this, only better
So, no posts for a while due to spring break being last week and well, the last thing I wanted to do was sit in front of a computer.

Beginning of the week saw our dear friend Stuben come over for bike riding and going out on the town to a comedy show as well as the most delightful dinner over at the Sweeney-Todd's. Seriously, that woman can cook. She made an orzo salad that I could have eaten all of (and there was a lot). Supermodel made the first of two Spring Break angel food cakes with strawberries and freshly whipped cream.

Who doesn't want to hang out
at 6 AM with this guy? Nobody!
Also, I crawled around in the attic and drilled holes and ran wires and what not with Stuben. I am happy to say that I no longer have extension cords of audio and Ethernet draped across my living room floor. Also, fiber optic cables in the walls. I am so fancy. I ran wires to the kitchen so I can install speakers in the ceiling. No, I don't have the speakers. I will though. We are quite fond of a morning dance party in our house and have sorely missed them since moving to the ham. So, we are only a set of speakers away from Prince and the BeeGees in the morning. Speaking of, Tito Puente is a recent discovery for excellent morning music. Always loved him but love him even more at 6:30 AM.

So fancy night out Monday and then me and the boys piled in the car to go see my grandmother and camp! Now, you must understand that I had to be back Wednesday night and so this was a 3 hour trip one way to visit and camp for less that 24 hours. It was amazing. I need more granola activities in my life. Don't get me wrong, I love wearing my suit but dang it I miss being outside. I procured a gaping wound on my forehead and bled a bit. Grandmother scared the boys to death with stories of the Wompus Cat and Ghosts of Civil War deserters.

Not that Wilson is ever that innocent but, neither
was Calvin. Plus, they are equally sneaky.
Wed through Friday was a conference here at work that we hosted. Lots of running around. Also, at some point Wilson was scared by a pouncing Mr. Fabulous. I pictured Hobbes ambushing Calvin. Wilson then pushed Fabulous who fell and caught his cheek bone on the bed post. The bruise is epic. Whole side of his face and under his eye are green and yellow. And that is a week later. Before you ask, no it did not knock any sense into him.

Supermodel's relatives came and sat around and visited from ArKansas from Thursday to Saturday. They are always fun. This justified a second angel food cake with the trimmings.
Then, Palm Sunday with Samson the Donkey and prepping to get back into the swing of things. Pretty solid week.




Friday, March 15, 2013

My Obit

For those of you who may need my help writing my obituary, please see the following obit from long beach MS.


Harry Weathersby Stamps, ladies' man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.

Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer's black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee's Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.

The women in his life were numerous. He particularly fancied smart women. He loved his mom Wilma Hartzog (deceased), who with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron reared Harry after his father Walter's death when Harry was 12. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg. He married his main squeeze Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, almost 50 years ago, with whom they had two girls Amanda Lewis of Dallas, and Alison of Starkville. He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful. He took great pride in stocking their tool boxes. One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.

He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.

He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. He loved to use his oversized "old man" remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel. He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis (8) and William Stamps Lewis (6) of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls. As a former government and sociology professor for Gulf Coast Community College, Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians. He was fond of saying a phrase he coined "I am not running for political office or trying to get married" when he was "speaking the truth." He also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal--just like Napolean, as he would say.

Harry took fashion cues from no one. His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam's on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees (who can even remember where he got those?) that were always paired with a grass-stained MSU baseball cap.

Harry traveled extensively. He only stayed in the finest quality AAA-rated campgrounds, his favorite being Indian Creek outside Cherokee, North Carolina. He always spent the extra money to upgrade to a creek view for his tent. Many years later he purchased a used pop-up camper for his family to travel in style, which spoiled his daughters for life.

He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved), know-it-all Yankees, Southerners who used the words "veranda" and "porte cochere" to put on airs, eating grape leaves, Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart. In reverse order. He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil's Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.

Because of his irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport, his family will hold a private, family only service free of any type of "theme." Visitation will be held at Bradford-O'Keefe Funeral Home, 15th Street, Gulfport on Monday, March 11, 2013 from 6-8 p.m.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College (Jeff Davis Campus) for their library. Harry retired as Dean there and was very proud of his friends and the faculty. He taught thousands and thousands of Mississippians during his life. The family would also like to thank the Gulfport Railroad Center dialysis staff who took great care of him and his caretaker Jameka Stribling.

Finally, the family asks that in honor of Harry that you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time. Harry wanted everyone to get back on the Lord's Time.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

LL Cool Prof


So, the jewel that is Birmingham has a self described old school hip hop/electro radio station! Thank you Birmingham and thank you 102.1! And no thank you.

Most of you know me. I am a cake eater (Mighty Ducks Ref. for the day), preppy, nerd. I have no business rolling through my cake eater campus with my windows down singing along to any thing written by anyone who refers to them self as LL Cool J. Who knew? I did and didn't care. I got some looks.

Yeah that's pretty much me. 

Haps and the Craps

Last weekend was glorious and we played outside and all that. Problem is, now it is Thursday so it feels a bit silly trying to rehash old news but I will . Lets enumerate for brevity.
Saturday
1. Glorious weather
2. Park
3. Spring cleaning
4. Wilson falls down stairs and at bowling alley. Rendered Useless.
5. Stay-puft falls down while trying to stand and clap at the same time. Shes fine and continues to try.
6. She uses her "judgey" eyes to call Wilson a whiner and a quitter. It was shameful the look she gave him.
Sunday
1. Time change
2. Boys develop passionate hatred for poor ol Ben Franklin and his Daylight Saving Time
3. Open Windows and let glorious fresh air in. Hoping fresh air cures Mr. Fabulous of his current attitude.
4. Take the Stay-Puft to go shop. Just me and her cause I like to earn her brownie points. Our kids pick our nursing homes. I am just starting early.
5. Stop by the parents house. (Not to discuss their impending committal)
6. Grandmother is there with my Aunt and go figure, they don't care a thing about me. I had the baby. I am getting use to this response from people. Now to learn to use it to my advantage...


This work week is more of last week. The job has gotten a bit stressful but not because of classroom stuff or research. It is the weird third category in academia. University Service. Who knew?

Also, work is lame. No buddy's here to hang out with or get lunch with. I miss my friends and coworkers in MS for various reasons. In happy news, I just found out that the baby was invited to the Sweeny-Todd's for a BBQ on Saturday and I am pumped because she chose me as her +1. Supermodel is going to be upset but look somebody has to be the little monsters favorite. Here is to spring break and a BBQ.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Guess Who!

Do they have Ginger Hair? Yes? It must be Ginger Lauren!
So, I invented a new game for me and my smoking hot Russian supermodel wife to play on our anniversary. Best part about the game is I can tell you about it. Its called Guess Who. Its played in a very similar manner to the childhood game we all know and love. The major difference is in the title really. It has been converted to Guess Who Is Sick Now?

Stay-Puft in a previous
incarnation... ol Monty-zooma
Let's see where we left off. Monday we were all in school and doing well until at least 2 o'clock I would say. That is when I got the expected phone call from school. One of the boys must be erupting from both ends. I have renamed the disease from Regina-air's disease, due to no one knowing what Legionnaire's disease is, to the much preferred title Stay-Puft's Revenge. We aren't in Mexico and Montezuma never visited Homewood and she is the vector that brought it into our home so it fits.

Story of Fabulous' Life and
a Great Band name
School Nurse on the phone, "Mr. Fabulous has... insert charlie brown teacher noises." I knew what was wrong. I don't need details. "...landed on his neck... blah blah blah.... legs are tingling blah" Wait what? So I have pieced the story together now and here is the narrative. Thomas was sitting on a pair of parallel bars with a friend who is a girl (very specific about that wording). She wanted to show him a trick that a police officer friend taught her. She tied his hands together with her scarf using them as makeshift hand cuffs. I assume this police officer was more of the type from the blue oyster club. See Video...

So he is sitting on the parallel bars learning about bondage when another friend comes up and pushes him off and he lands on his neck. Sigh...

I get there, check him and Wilson out and go sit in the doctors office. At least it wasn't the satellite hospital again. We got an appointment with our regular doctor based on my puppy dog eyes and playing dumb. Guess which one I am better at. Doc checks him out and we are cleared to go eat pizza (and have a beer for dad).

Wake up today, the wife goes to make coffee and I hear someone cry out for their mother. Surely this is just Mr. Fabulous and his stiff neck. Of course not. Not while Stay-Puft's Revenge is a plague upon our house. Wilson was throwing up and throwing down but not the good kind of throw down. The very bad kind. Joy of joys. I had to teach but got home at 11 after a meeting. Go to get Mr. Fabulous from school and apparently there was a mix up with the "no PE" note and it was translated as "Sure why not PE." Not really. I am being dramatic but I did have to have an hour long meeting about how it all went down after school.

Then head to get her royal chunkiness and lo and behold, she is snotty and digging at her right ear.

Recap
Supermodel approved GI plague
Recovery Diet
Thursday: Hosp with stay puft due to the revenge
Friday: All is well until the revenge attacks me
Saturday: I have no idea I was dying. I may have died. I may owe the supermodel a thank you for resuscitating me.
Sunday: Supermodel down!
Monday: Supermodel foolishly tries to eat egg McMuffin. Then doughnut. Neck injury.
Tuesday: Revenge visits the Sneaky one, Wilson. Stay-puft tries to get an ear infection?

Pardon my french but I thought this shit was supposed to come in threes? I mean I have three kids. Is that the multiplier? 3 to the third power? If that means I have to cube my trouble I am done.

So, my version of guess who, not only could they have white hair, glasses, be a boy, have a hat, a mustache and be named George. They could also be every one of them at the same time. Happy Anniversary! (which is being postponed due to a lack of babysitters willing to enter the quarantine zone. Think that movie Outbreak (?) with Rainman and the monkey)
This monkey gave this baby this disease and we are all going
to die if we don't make an overly dramatic movie about it,
after Wapner. Gotta watch Wapner.


Monday, March 4, 2013

also,

So our dear friends threw us a wedding. No really if you were there that is the most apt description. I did little to nothing and owe my happy day to Jeddlesworth and the Candy Lady. Anyway, Mrs. Wonka sent the super model and I a text a few minutes ago wishing us a happy anniversary week. I did not realize this was a group text message to the both of us but apparently the supermodel and I both responded at the same time. Unfortunately my response was: Oh shoot, When is that?

This is not the appropriate response. I know this. I knew this. My only saving grace was the supermodels response: Oh Shoot, that's tomorrow. Peas in a Pod. Peas and Carrots. Neither of these work as she has a strong aversion to vegetables so, I will use: The Ham Hock to my Red Beans. I am in no way calling her a pig or pig like. Only the knee.

Even spelled wrong...
So, there you have it. Two (?) years ago tomorrow, we threw a big party at a local bar and invited the locals and our immediate families. No really. Ceremony in morning. Thai Food. Nap (just napping). Bar. I didn't even take the supermodel back to the B&B I don't think. I do remember having to give somebody a lift home other than her at the end of the night. I still regret not being able to invite more of my family but it was my second time around and second marriage shame and what not. I am sure I will invite you all to the third.

Happy Anniversary smokin' hot super model wife.

been a while

2Pop was just at my office and reminded me that "working for a living is no fun." or something like that. ain't it the truth.

Not this queen of England
 Apparently the stomach virus that is plaguing Britain's Queen also made its way to ours, the stay-puft. We were at the satellite hospital campus with her Thursday night which was a wonderful place and she was great. I made the acute observation that children's hospitals always have the cutest nurses. The supermodel told me that I should have been a pediatrician. I am looking into it. Friday the supermodel stayed home with her and forgot she had class and lab... whoops. Then I got home and began my night of misery with what will now be call Regina-aires disease. See what I did there. Regina = Queen.... never mind  I was up all night with it and down all day the next day. But much to my delight The Devil Wears Prada continues to tell the ultimate truths in life. I was only a stomach virus away from my goal weight. The supermodel woke up with it Sunday just as I was able to pick up the mantel of parent for a day.

Let me say this. I never ever want to go back to Costco on a Sunday with a baby while having only had two pop tarts and a liter of Gatorade in the preceding two days. I made it however and am quite proud of myself. Considering that I spent the previous Sun-Wed being the only parent while the Supermodel was away being fabulous, I am an old pro now.

When I did get home, I found the boys bloody, bruised and best friends. Apparently they were play wrestling and it became real wrestling, which then became a cage match. I am waiting on the call from child protective services. Wilson near as makes no difference has a black eye.

All in all though a pretty successful weekend as I am back at work 15 pounds lighter and with zero appetite. God Save the Queens