Infrequent Posts

I have been called out for the infrequency and erratic schedule surrounding my posting. To this I say, come watch the kids and keep them quiet and I will write. No wait, no I won't. I will go and hide.

So, I may or may not have forgotten the SuperModels Birthday.... This comes as a surprise to few of you as she and I have yet to remember our anniversary in all the (fill in the blank) years that we have been married.

I would like to thank each and everyone of you for wishing her a happy birthday before me. That really helped my situation. Honestly, I got up, dealt with as many of our progeny as I could and ran out to drop off StayPuft at her school. I then go teach for two hours to pay for said schooling. By the time I got home.... Okay you know the "hell hath no fury" thing? Totally true.

The last person who forgot her birthday regretted it

I fell off my pedestal that I keep putting myself on hoping she agrees. Not only did I fall off said pedestal. I then began digging a hole. We are famous for saying in our house, "The only way to dig a hole is deeper." So, I asked her what was wrong when I got home from teaching. No good.

Tears. The word disappointed came up. What else did she use against me you ask? Her ex husband told her happy birthday before me. So, yeah. There was that.

"Saddam must have forgotten her birthday"

I talked to her coworker, the ginger, who suggested I rally and make it work.

Constraints in the plan? I have childcare responsibility for 'the boys' this day. JackJack has a fever that won't go away and the older two want to sleep the day away. Also, we have out of town guests coming for the exorcism baptism and they will be here at 8PM. SuperModel has to work all day and is busier than a mosquito at a nudist colony as they are short handed. Also, I obviously have no gift as she wants for nothing and never has suggestions and also again, I forgot.

So, no late night dinner and movie date. No whisking her away to romantic lunch date. No extravagant gifts as that money has gone to the wee one's school.

My plan you ask? Use her children against her. Use every weakness I can think of against her to get back to even. Once I am even then I can try to climb back on my pedestal.

I scoop up the children, drive all over creation and purchase everything that she can't refuse. Here is the list.
1. A balloon. No birthday can pass without a balloon according to the SuperModel
2. Flowers. Her favorite is tulips which obviously aren't in season. So in a stroke of brilliance, I let her sons pick them out. Even if they choose poorly, she can't complain.
3. White chocolate. Why is this better than dark chocolate? It is mostly just milk fat. If there is one thing the SuperModel needs in her life, it is milk fat of any variety. Evidence includes the 7 lb. of butter in our reserves.
4. McDonalds Cheeseburger. This is her kryptonite.

Artists Version of My Life

We show up, her boys looking like the three somewhat wise men and me the donkey carrying them. How can you not melt seeing us show up like that? She didn't but, she conceded that I was back to ground level and the day could be saved.

I am feeling pretty good about my chances and start working my magic. The Ginger offered to do anything she could to help including babysitting. The Fool. Who volunteers for all of my kids?!

I have just finished teaching a graduate course and one of the students is the Mater D at fancy schmancy French Restaurant. I call at 1 and ask for the earliest sitting I could get. It sounded desperate and a bit like I was taking my grandparents to dinner hoping to get the early bird special.

My student the Mater D might not appreciate that this is what I think when I hear MaterD now

Like clockwork, Ginger shows up to herd my minions for two hours, wife gets gussied up for a surprise dinner date and I start to climb back up my pedestal.

Dinner was delicious and French and I was reminded that my wife is gorgeous, brilliant and fun to go to dinner with.

We finish before it is dark outside so that we can run home, take over minion duty and prepare for arrival of the Girl with the small voice. We then sat down and drank wine and laughed till the wee hours. Ending the evening laughing with the Ginger and the Girl with the Small Voice was the perfect ending to a birthday that turned out just fine if you climb up on my pedestal to ask me.