Tours of The Home©

So, we had visitors to The Home this weekend. I am not sure what all happened but I know that Saturday night the Supermodel invited over the Ginger aka Sweetie and another friend from work who is a fan of the isthmus. I like to thing that it was blog tourism.

Fun was had by all and they got the full show.

Book your trip now.

First Day of School

This was sent to me on the children's first day of school and since today is my first day, I thought it appropriate. Yes it is 20 minutes but it is totally worth it as Bill Cosby Cliff Huxtable is my role model. Also he only has one stand up movie but a second one is coming.

they live

Have you ever seen the movie "they live"? Rowdy Roddy Piper and aliens and subliminal messages and.. oh well. I digress

put on the sunglasses and see them for what they are. I have put on my sunglasses.
They are middle school boys

Its morning. We have started a load of laundry that includes clothes found in various parts of our house and car port. I think some of the socks may have matches and there is a shirt for every boy. Why is there a shirt for every boy? At 1:30 I went to break up a topless pillow fight. It was by far the worst Abercrombie modeling shoot ever. I collected shirts and am laundering. Also, at some point, the SuperModel took a giant bowl of Laughy Taffy and threw into the basement with the hoard. We will be finding wrappers for years.

What they think they look like in their selfies

What the selfie actually looks like. 

As I sit here typing this, the SuperModel is downstairs with a pillow waking up the older half of this party and luring them upstairs with doughnuts that StayPuft and I went to go buy for her boyfriends at 6:30.

update time

two hours into this thing. a monsoon has caught me out on a pizza run and I may never dry out. I don't mind being a bit damp. The pizza was fine as well. The boys parade had been rained upon. No more playing outside.


I found half of them (plus StayPuft) outside in the rain, covered in mud and playing in the tree house. The SuperModel met them at the door and demanded they strip and go change into dry clothes. I let them get in the house before taking off their clothes. I am just currying favor.

Not the exact picture I didn't take but close. 

We have begun drinking prophylactically (as one does with 10 kids under their roof) and have the infant down. Only issue other than rain is keeping StayPuft away from all of her new best/boyfriends.

Brotherly Host Party Rolls Around Again

We have begun keeping RexARoni and StayPuft in the same room at night and it has gone as well as one could hope. This parenting gig just isn't challenging enough.

It is time for the annual Brotherly Host Party.

The boys work for months to party plan. They save money. I took the boys go to the grocery to purchase heaping piles of food that make my pancreas quake in its proverbial boots. Mr. Fabulous decided that anything costing approximately three dollars is "a really good deal." They have invited over a handful of friends each to spend the night. I will hunker down for the evening with a roll of paper towels and the crash cart from Children's Hospital after the pizza and ice cream. I know I will need the absorbent material. I assume I will need the WWII style wound dressing.

"so we were playing this awesome game on the rope swing with the axe...."

Last year, as you may remember, the Supermodel absconded with StayPuft and had a girls night elsewhere. You may also remember that I handled the situation with the same dignity and sense of decorum as you all expect from me. That was too easy. This year for a challenge I am keeping my wife, infant and toddler in the house with the ten boys perched precariously at the point of prepubescence. I will start a pool on which of us handles the evening the best. I am cheating and have hidden beer for myself. Smart money goes with: Supermodel with a wineglass and a vague excuse not to get out of bed in the morning. StayPuft getting 10 new boyfriends. RexARoni crying on and off and being the SuperModel's vague excuse. A perfect night is just as likely to happen I imagine.

This could totally happen... Please say it could. Look how not sweaty they are.
Look how they still have their shirts on. Bonus points because I can't smell the picture.

I hope to get an emergency phone call from somewhere that requires me to leave for the next 12 hours. If you are the one to make that phone call, there may or may not be a reward and I may or may not share my beer with you.

Infrequent Posts

I have been called out for the infrequency and erratic schedule surrounding my posting. To this I say, come watch the kids and keep them quiet and I will write. No wait, no I won't. I will go and hide.

So, I may or may not have forgotten the SuperModels Birthday.... This comes as a surprise to few of you as she and I have yet to remember our anniversary in all the (fill in the blank) years that we have been married.

I would like to thank each and everyone of you for wishing her a happy birthday before me. That really helped my situation. Honestly, I got up, dealt with as many of our progeny as I could and ran out to drop off StayPuft at her school. I then go teach for two hours to pay for said schooling. By the time I got home.... Okay you know the "hell hath no fury" thing? Totally true.

The last person who forgot her birthday regretted it

I fell off my pedestal that I keep putting myself on hoping she agrees. Not only did I fall off said pedestal. I then began digging a hole. We are famous for saying in our house, "The only way to dig a hole is deeper." So, I asked her what was wrong when I got home from teaching. No good.

Tears. The word disappointed came up. What else did she use against me you ask? Her ex husband told her happy birthday before me. So, yeah. There was that.

"Saddam must have forgotten her birthday"

I talked to her coworker, the ginger, who suggested I rally and make it work.

Constraints in the plan? I have childcare responsibility for 'the boys' this day. JackJack has a fever that won't go away and the older two want to sleep the day away. Also, we have out of town guests coming for the exorcism baptism and they will be here at 8PM. SuperModel has to work all day and is busier than a mosquito at a nudist colony as they are short handed. Also, I obviously have no gift as she wants for nothing and never has suggestions and also again, I forgot.

So, no late night dinner and movie date. No whisking her away to romantic lunch date. No extravagant gifts as that money has gone to the wee one's school.

My plan you ask? Use her children against her. Use every weakness I can think of against her to get back to even. Once I am even then I can try to climb back on my pedestal.

I scoop up the children, drive all over creation and purchase everything that she can't refuse. Here is the list.
1. A balloon. No birthday can pass without a balloon according to the SuperModel
2. Flowers. Her favorite is tulips which obviously aren't in season. So in a stroke of brilliance, I let her sons pick them out. Even if they choose poorly, she can't complain.
3. White chocolate. Why is this better than dark chocolate? It is mostly just milk fat. If there is one thing the SuperModel needs in her life, it is milk fat of any variety. Evidence includes the 7 lb. of butter in our reserves.
4. McDonalds Cheeseburger. This is her kryptonite.

Artists Version of My Life

We show up, her boys looking like the three somewhat wise men and me the donkey carrying them. How can you not melt seeing us show up like that? She didn't but, she conceded that I was back to ground level and the day could be saved.

I am feeling pretty good about my chances and start working my magic. The Ginger offered to do anything she could to help including babysitting. The Fool. Who volunteers for all of my kids?!

I have just finished teaching a graduate course and one of the students is the Mater D at fancy schmancy French Restaurant. I call at 1 and ask for the earliest sitting I could get. It sounded desperate and a bit like I was taking my grandparents to dinner hoping to get the early bird special.

My student the Mater D might not appreciate that this is what I think when I hear MaterD now

Like clockwork, Ginger shows up to herd my minions for two hours, wife gets gussied up for a surprise dinner date and I start to climb back up my pedestal.

Dinner was delicious and French and I was reminded that my wife is gorgeous, brilliant and fun to go to dinner with.

We finish before it is dark outside so that we can run home, take over minion duty and prepare for arrival of the Girl with the small voice. We then sat down and drank wine and laughed till the wee hours. Ending the evening laughing with the Ginger and the Girl with the Small Voice was the perfect ending to a birthday that turned out just fine if you climb up on my pedestal to ask me.

Summer Mix Now Streaming

What do Arthur the Aardvark, Ibrahim Ferrer and Scandinavian Disco have in common? They are all part of the BigCat 2K14 mixtape.

This year rather than begging you the reader to share and swap mix tapes (which you never do), I have created this mix on SoundCloud.

WARNING: This is a bit more urban and waaaay less kid friendly. I will say that StayPuft is now screaming DumDeeDum Song! DumDeeDum Song! Everytime we get into the car. So, obviously some of these are okay.

So, come for the dum dee dum and stay for the EDM remix of AfroCuban Jazz!