If this is going to be that kind of party...

Back at work. Today's update is sponsored by cold medicine so stop judging me.

Thanksgiving was incredible. It always is. I got loads of family time and food and we celebrated. The baby was perfect even though we asked a lot of her and ruined her schedule over and over. The boys were polite and wonderful. I even went so far as to participate in day of thanksgiving christmas shopping. I know. Mr. Thanksgiving batting for the other team but it was to spend time with my aunt and grandmother and I had a nice time. Do I wish it had been friday night? sure.

It was lovely and now we start the countdown to december and christmas season.

Working for the Weekend

Weekend isn't even here yet and I am exhausted. Highlights of events to come. Baby shower at work. Two birthday parties for Wilson to attend one where they play mine-craft and the other is paintball. Seeing new bond movie with brother in law who must have heard my cries of sorrow (for the record we want our wives to come but can't find babysitters. We also may have not tried to find any). Saturday night fancy dinner at Little Savannah where I bartered some training for a fancy dinner. Sunday, I don't remember but I feel like something is happening. Also, stay-puft has given up. She doesn't care to sit up or crawl. She has found a better mode of transportation. She is still working on the routine but she now does "the worm" to get where she is going. Kid-n-Play would be so jealous. Pictorial version of upcoming weekend:

Sunday?

Sweet Jesus please let Thanksgiving get here soon!

Ramping up to Party Time

We are now one week away from our communal feast in this country. Biggie's my mother's family is on an every other year schedule of returning to the old homestead for this feast. This is to accommodate travelers and just makes sense. The year's in Dale County, AL are some of my fondest memories. We eat, then take a walk in the woods, then some form of sports in the front yard, then we eat again. The walk in the woods is where at some point in my youth on a particularly cold day fell into a creek and had to be rushed home to avoid hypothermia. Ask my mother and her kin about this story. They love to tell it over and over again and it may be on a VHS tape somewhere. Year's at biggie's my maternal grandmother's house are my favorite. 

This however is the other year. Mother is hosting this year. Her little sister and mother are coming to her newly renovated kitchen to cook and eat. The deadline for the renovation was "in time for thanksgiving." I appreciate this. In recent news, the boys (Wilson and Mr. Fabulous) will be in town for this and we are excited about this. They have requested sweet potatoes with marshmallow's and Wilson's famous Mac N Cheese. The boy can make a Mornay sauce. Which is basically a Béchamel sauce with shredded or grated cheese added but I am not sure his counts since the cheese is Velveta and cut into cubes. Either way, its very yummy.

Now is the time for Thanksgiving. My krewe all went to 2Pop and Biggie's last Saturday to watch the Alabama game and eat 2Pop's famous smoked chicken wings. Needless to say for most of you Texas A&M won and it honestly took the wind out of my and the supermodel's sails. She got a bit grumpy to be honest. We went upstairs near the end to finish watching the game and eat wings and after it was over, I was asked to set up the Wii. The mother formerly known as Biggie has lost A TON of weight by drinking what amounts to juice boxes and eating a healthy green dinner. She has stuck with it and its awesome. Now she has decided she wants to exercise and thinks she might play Just Dance if it were set up. I set it up and turned it on and a dance party broke out.

At some point my sister and the twins show up and the dance party escalates. I have video of this. I am not at liberty to share it. Mother busted a move (prior to being dressed in yellow or saying hello, see video). Boys danced. I danced. Sister really danced. Then 2pop did his best "I'm getting ready for the nursing home" dance. He sits in an easy chair and just the arm motions like he was ready for his Sit-n-Shop or hover-round. Bless his soul. So we had a dance party and ate wings. The only thing missing to make it perfect was the missing Brother in Law. He had to work and I hate his current work schedule as much or more than he does. At some point I looked up and realized that some dumb football game shouldn't be able to ruin my day. A dance party trumps everything else. Everything! So get out your favorite dancing shoes, find your nice wheelchair if your 2pop, and dance like nobody is looking and be thankful. Above all else be thankful. Political arguments are dumb. Dancing also dumb but nobody gets mad (until you video tape them).

T-Give Manifesto

Well done sir. Well done.

additionally

Also, Walmart opens at 8 on thanksgiving day for Christmas sales. How long until thanksgiving is completely sacrificed so that we can shop for poorly manufactured tv's and deals on stuff we don't need? Boo black Friday. People die over this. Just sad

France?

I don't know who you are out there. I can see who looks at this poorly edited blog of mine where grammar is a four letter word. I know this gets posted on the book of faces by the supermodel and my sister (who got a special shout out during Mr. Fabulous' blessing last night after the dog but before me). I assume this is how you find me. 2Pop said he read this and I worried. Are you people I know? Or that I should remember from my youth? Please don't be the provost but if you are reading this, you are great.

I know iowa girl in bama reads, who are the rest of you and why don't you comment. Do I need a "like" button on here?

I write this because I am the funniest person I know and like to work on my storytelling even if it is to myself. Plus google image searching is fun. So to those of you in France, Turkey, Russia, Thailand (Nok!), etc. keep reading and I will keep writing.

Most wonderful season

The carrot rather than the stick

Well that's over. Thank goodness. Wife loves her some politics and is vocal as most supermodels are. I try and ignore it all because every two years it ruins the most wonderful time of the year. The period between Halloween and Thanksgiving. My reasons are infallible. First, the children of age have huge bags of candy they collected but that are managed by the grown-ups of the house. Leverage. Children will do a lot for candy. Best uses of the year so far are in no particular order: to practice for a spelling bee that they don't want to compete in, to rake the leaves of the yard before all of them have fallen, and to get them to try new foods. "We would love some broccoli as long as we get our two pieces of candy for a clean plate!"

Can't we all just get along drink together

Reason two is that Thanksgiving is the only holiday based around a meal. Sure you get bar-b-ques for the 4th and Christmas Dinner but, the centerpiece of Thanksgiving is the meal. I am a fat kid. A country fat kid. I need my great-grandmother's chicken and dumplings on the third Thursday. Third, the weather is all over the place but you are almost guaranteed a few really good cold days to remember that winter is coming and you need sweaters, cider, and snuggles. Dog snuggles, supermodel snuggles, and recently added baby snuggles all count in my world.

A friend of ours the iowa girl in bama is keeping up with all the things she is thankful for this month. That is a straw poll I can get behind. A season of thankfulness? Screw election season. There I said it. It is divisive and hateful and no one wins. The radio today on the ride in to work was all abuzz with grumps. Who is Grumpy the day after Thanksgiving? No one! This is the second most patriotic holiday of the year and I would argue the first. The 4th really? We made a declaration and then had a bloody war and were starving and cold. Wrong order. Thanksgiving we were starving and cold because of a desire for freedom and made peace with the locals and they helped us survive and had a feast to celebrate. Yes please.

Everybody loves snacks

I digress. I love this season. It is universal in this country so no bickering over an assault on Christmas  No one left out because they don't believe in a bunny helping a savior find his peeps. No haunted houses to attempt to cause me to urinate or defecate on myself. No fat winged baby with a weapon putting pressure on relationships.

In a 4 team playoff format of holidays I say Christmas comes in the favorite and the #1 spot. Thanksgiving is #2. Then, Easter and Halloween round out the pugilists  Independence day is the number 5 holiday who will complain about being left out but everyone knows the right 4 are in the tournament.

Thanksgiving draws Easter in the first round and wins in a landslide because it is more inclusive, better food and better sports on TV to nap through. Christmas struggles with the number 4, Halloween. Kids are pumped because of candy and presents but the adults give Christmas the win because the holiday from work is longer and you get presents as an adult which is rare. Championship match is T-give versus X-mas (as they are known on tha streets). I see Thanksgiving winning. Yes other religions celebrate during the same time as Christmas but the stress of presents and seeing everyone you "need to see" becomes overwhelming. Thanksgiving is by in large stress free time to see family or friends or both and gather around heaping piles of good food and discuss things that we are all thankful for and that draw us together. Thanksgiving wins and the crowd goes wild!

We all have our own traditions but I think more emphasis on Thanksgiving Season, despite its low impact on the consumer spending index, would benefit our country as a whole unless you worry about things like childhood obesity rates.

Not fat. Just a big fan of Thanksgiving

Sponsored by Acme

Trust me this is real. I'm a scientist.

Another glorious weekend in paradise. Where to begin. Friday evening we went to dub dub and local-TV-celebrity's house for dinner as a running club. Children disappeared to the basement and we had a glorious meal and just hung out. Baby was good and went right to sleep and accommodated our adult evening out. The p-chemist brought a delicious salad after he got done playing in traffic. Which reminded me how much i missed salads this summer. Why didn't I eat more of them? Dub dub cooked her amazing wide pasta  and red sauce with buttery garlicky bread. I am sure there is some fancy technical term but to me it was nom nom nom. Baby stay puft gets her omnomnomivore status from me.

The dinner was to preclude another attempt at running in an athletic styled event. I was immediately asked if I had signed up and was ready to go to which I responded, "I don't sign myself up for races." I see no need to volunteer myself for such events. If anyone chooses to get me signed up I would participate. This is true for all of you out there in internetlandia. Have a race in Turkey you want me to run? Can you get me there? Then I would be happy to attend. (assuming there will be time for snacks) I had to register the next day, myself. Dessert was the supermodels first attempt at creme brule and my second time to use my propane plumbing torch. It was delicious. So delicious in fact that local-TV-celebrity suggested that we eat the children's portion. We did. Do I feel bad? Nope.

Not me. 

Crack of 6:30 on Saturday I am at the Boutwell Auditorium. The Vulcan Run is a 10K through downtown Birmingham. Race was to start at 8 and the only snacks in the vicinity were at the Greyhound Station. I did not partake. This race went about like the last. I finished after the person who won. My time was faster than I expected and I didn't get sick. So, it was a win. I LOVED the course and would do it again if signed up for it. I then met the supermodel and her 3 minions/spawn at Sam Super Samwhiches (not a typo) for breakfast samwhiches and relaxing in downtown Homewood. I met her there because she already had packed the appropriate humans in the car and had driven to cheer for me. She assumed that I would run 30 minute miles I guess. Such a lack of faith. Then, we rush home, shower, dress, and get to the last game of my soccer coaching tenure.

It went about like all the others but with injuries. My best defender shows up late then trips over his own feet, lands on his head and gives himself a concussion. Way to be a team player. He was fine. After this run home to meet 2Pop and Biggie grandmother. The supermodel, biggie, stay puft and myself went antiquing all over and had a really good time. Wish I had remembered the stroller as the baby has become quite a lot to carry. Boys went with 2Pop and ate Krispy Kreme, Milo's, and made sandcastles on the beach volleyball court at the park. Picked up boys and dropped off the matriarch formerly known as Biggie at her house and make it home just in time to watch the Alabama-LSU Game of the Year Honey I Shrunk the Kids.

Still not me. 

I remember this movie with great fondness for two reasons. Sleeping in a LEGO and eating the worlds largest oatmeal creme pie. After re-watching it, it is still a great movie but I still want the same two things. Texted with my farmer girl from Noonanza during the movie about how much fun it would be to be shrunk. I feel like my whole life has been spent preparing for the horrible moment in movies that will never happen to me. I will never survive a plane crash on a deserted island, I will never be shrunk by my father,  and I won't be required to survive a zombie apocalypse (which may be a good thing. I scare easily).

Why would I turn the
valve all the way off?

Sunday was spent in hunter-gatherer mode. Re-stocking the kitchen for the hoard and helping the boys rake leaves. Other than being embarrassed at fantasy football again (Naming the team "Sandusky's Tickle Monsters" might have jinxed me) all was well until the supermodel, thinking that I was faking the exhaustion from the day before decided to make like interesting. I left the room for one minute and she called upon her freakish supermodel strength and broke the handle off the kitchen sink. I almost cried. I knew what needed to be done. Super (mediocre) handyman dad would have to fix said handle. As I took it apart water began gushing out of the top and soaking the kitchen. Got that valve completely closed and find part to be replaced. No washing dishes in the bathtub for us! Take Wilson (boy 1) for moral support and go to the super convenient hardware store to be told bluntly that they didn't have and would never have what I needed to fix the sink. I mean guy walks up and looks at what I have in my hand and says, "we don't have it." He then just turned and walked away. Wilson then says he wants to go home. I then drop him off at the house and head to inconvenient Hardware Store #2. Meet 2Pop there who seemed to want to just get out of the house. I find the part and go home and fix it. No fanfare. No trumpets. No confetti. This is what happens when you can do things. People expect it.

That's a centerfold I can get behind

I am now exhausted, hungry, slightly wet, etc. etc. The supermodel offers my weakness, take out Chinese food in the little boxes. She offers to go get it even. Swoon. She is the greatest woman in the world. Women take note, when your current boy-toy is at his weakest offer him what he desires most. In my case, its food. She has me for life for that small token of "I don't mind getting out to get it." I get all excited and fold clothes and get all the other chores done. Boys are sent to bed. Baby is checked on as she has been asleep for hours. Wife calls....

"That's totally what I saw!
I googled it!"

Apparently on our street, in an unkempt area, the supermodel with brutish strength has now become wildlife expert as she has spotted a coyote. I had heard tell of this being true in our very urban/suburban area. I scoffed then and I scoffed at my wife. Apparently she was wearing her glasses and she googled it and that is "totally" what she saw. I would have argued or asked for more details when she came back but she had egg rolls. In the game broken sink/coyote/egg rolls. Sink wins but egg rolls beat coyote.

She and I retired to the basement and watched *insert awful action movie here* and I ate too much. There was snuggling and it was a glorious weekend.