Life of a Manny

Let's get in our way back machine and go to two days ago. It was Tuesday. My rough schedule is this. I have the hours of 6AM-9AM kid free. AARP and Awesome are still asleep and the SuperModel handles number 4 and StayPuft. I get up and go to the office early and work feverishly on an upcoming project. Which, incidentally, will make for delightful blog posts. I am running a Science Camp/College prep camp for minority high school students. It is residential and 3 days. Trust me, things of note will happen.

So, I am sitting and working as quickly as I can in my very quiet building until 9. I know that at 9 a gentleman from technology services is coming to steal my computer and give me a new one. So, at 8:30, I scramble to get my machine ready. At the same time he arrives, the SuperModel drops off number 4. I am also meeting with the other director of this camp who has all of these computer based tasks for me. These are beginning to build up as my computer is taking a while to transfer data. I think this is due to number 4's crying and general neediness.

When this is done, say 10, I begin to work again but new computer means all new versions of office. I do not adapt quickly and fall behind.

At 10:45, a friend calls to let me know that her, her husband, and their two boys are going to eat alfresco at a neighborhood Mediterranean deli. I pack up number 4, head home to round up numbers 1 and 2 and get to said deli. Number 1 has an amazing crust-ache growing in by the way. I may need to borrow someones cat to lick it off. It was delightful. One thousand hundred million degrees but super fun to see people with children in public and surviving. It gives me hope and bolsters me for the rest of the day.

Basically AARP is starting to look like a swagalicious version of Frida

We get home, deadlines approach, and by 3 I am covered in regurgitated formula, rocking number 4's chair with my foot and finishing what I can for the camp. I give up. It is time for something a bit more relaxing. I load up again and  head to Costco with a three month old who hates me. He refuses to sleep for me and even now is just sort of mindlessly complaining in the background. It is the soundtrack to my life.  Also, he is losing all of his hair and just has a wisp of a comb over which is frighteningly similar to Hitler's style decision.

As he loses his hair number four has a whisky version of this.

I will say that he did not ask for samples, wander off, or purchase bulk quantities of things that no human requires. He was a perfect shopping partner. In and out in 20 minutes. In the checkout line, a very sweet woman tells me how cute he is and how brave I am to come, as a father, to Costco with an infant by myself. I literally laughed out loud and then explained that the other 2/3's of the family were at home and he was the best possible shopping partner. I then offered to let the sweet woman borrow him for a few hours/days. She declined. I then tried to return him due to his being defective and leaking from both ends and whining sounds coming from his mouth. No go there either. I love him so I will keep him. If he hadn't learned to smile in the last few weeks though it would be a harder decision.

Where was I? Oh yes, Costco. I get home. Make 1 and 2 help unload the people carrier. I am now sorting and putting away large containers of food and enough milk and half and half to stock any normal grocery store. I put down baby long enough to zip-lock and freeze meat. Then wash hands make a bottle and feed it to the ingrate. It is now time for StayPuft and SuperModel to be unleashed on The Home. From there it was a blur. I do know that she laid hands upon number 4 and he was instantly happy and asleep. I now hate her for this and wander off to feed boys and send them to hide in the basement to play video games until StayPuft is in bed. I quickly follow them to hide as well. At  7:30 boys come up to get ready for bed and read as is their routine. I go to check on SuperModel and she is asleep. At 7:30 half of my family was asleep and by 8:15 I was the only one not playing patty cake with the sandman.

When Costco Starts selling milk cows, I'm buying. 

I locked up and left. Not kidding. I went to visit an old friend and go to a Taqueria. I was home and in bed just in time for number 4 to wake up and hate me some more. That was my Tuesday. Not enough work done to not feel guilty. Still haven't made my baby love me. Numbers 1 and 2 were excited about lunch but are generally lethargic due to heat and age and didn't see my wife awake for more than 90 seconds total. Also, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Wait no one in here speaks english and none of you need me?
Can I stay a week?

Today you ask? Laundry, Write Syllabi, Dust, Go to steel supply house to get more parts for StayPuft's new Big Girl Bed (which is adorable and she loves as long as the SuperModel sleeps with her. Last night was the first night and she required a friend. So, I didn't even see my wife sleep.) I will miss all this when it is over but man I feel as though I am being drawn and quartered. I was given a list of things to get done today so I should get to it.

New bed for StayPuft. Hold the vegetables.