I am the Testor

Finals time. I loathe writing and proctoring exams. So, I blog. I sit around as the testor and look around at all my "testee"s and am sad that I wont' have students until next semester. I really am in the right profession. I adore teaching. Now, I get into the writing portion of my job. I have papers to get published and need about 10K by spring to get all the research done I would like to by the end of next summer. It could happen but for now I just sit around and watch my "testee"s and hope they aren't cheating on me.

My one rule about exercising

I have only one rule. Never sign up for a race. Well apparently, I have been signed up for another event or two. I am excited about both but the Krispy Kreme run sounds much less daunting. So, there is a super fancy (overpriced or maybe I am underpaid) bicycle company called Rapha. Apparently, they are now giving out merit badges. Being an Eagle Scout I love me some badges. The rub is this, I have to ride 500km over 8 days between the 23 and the 31 on a human powered bicycle (not on the handlebars while someone else peddles. Looked into that). I think that is 8 days. I was totally down for this until I did the conversion. Apparently 500km isn't from here to Krispy Kreme and back. It is more like from here to the Krispy Kreme in China and back. Alas, I have been signed up for it and thus will participate. I don't know how to train to ride 38.875 miles a day for over a week so I am designing my own training plan.

1. Buy warm Clothes. Why in the world is this in winter. I am inside right now and my toes are cold. My cycling shoes have vented toes. I am going to need shoecovers and warm jackets.
2. Exercise as little as possible. I would think that 500km on a bike would cover me for the year on exercise. My future cardiologist would appreciate me exercising but come on. So, since Dr. Spaceman doesn't have a say so yet, I am saying that this will cover me for December and plan to be as still as possible until the 24.
3. Build up energy reserves. I am not dieting my way through the holidays so you can forget it!

muffin tops rides again!

4. Bring Bike out of hiding. Since the Passing on the Left Running Club (PoLR Club?) has formed and the baby born, I have biked less. Perhaps this will get me back in the habit. I kind of miss it.
5. Buy more stretchy clothes. No one looks sillier than a fat guy in spandex. Ask me how I know. I have always said they should publish a weight limit in the bike clothes. I am not huge but big enough that they don't stock my size. Oh how I don't look forward to being this cold.

Ride to Redemption?
Ride to Lunch maybe. 

So in short, I am screwed. If you thought throwing up rainbows and my shoes after a half marathon was bad stick around. By new years day I will be filled with sadness and regret and my resolution will be to hunt down the person who has signed me up and then collapse because the hunting will wear me out. All for a merit badge.

oh the holidays

It's not cold thus according to the Russian supermodel it is more difficult to get in the Christmas spirit. I have tried lots of things. Decorate. Nope. Listen to Loads of Christmas Music. Nope. Go look at all the pretty lights... Nope. We went last night to the zoo where my sister works and did all sorts of festive things. There were lights. It was most of the Family. Brother in Law still has his schedule and missed this activity. It must kill him and I hate it for him. Anyway, I rode the train with the family to go look at lights. Stay-Puft in my arms cried because she was scared before we started. She then got the idea and was happy but clung to me. I don't mean to be all sappy but she clung to me. Up till this point she smiled and laughed at everyone. She probably would have clung to anyone but she didn't. She clung to me! This was her call from the governor at 11:59. She can stick around. See the night before there is some debate as to whether or not (NOT is the answer) she said Momma. So we all agree she was holding onto me for support and so she is mine. Thank you Russian Supermodel for birthing this up-till-now parasite, I like her. But this is not Holiday Spirit. What am I doing wrong?

We have not gone and shopped for presents for anyone yet really. I will say though shopping in these crowds does not put me in the Holiday Spirit. They make me cling to plush children's toys that play music and rock back and forth and basically look like Rainman without all the special abilities. I am hoping that wrapping some presents and putting them under the tree will help. We will see. What do you guys do? Are you all cheery? Switch Pandora to Holiday Music? Bad Sweaters? Am I just too early?

Baby Jesus Vomit

The holiday season is upon us! I typically am a strict "not before December  holiday decorator. I was forced out of this on Friday and brought up our two plastic totes of decorations on Friday after work. I was only 8 hours early and its what the Russian wanted. She had planned and organized schedules for a dinner party with 6 of our friends. At the last minute two could not make it due to self quarantine  The pox is upon there house and so I wish them no ill will and actually want to thank them publicly for not infecting the rest of us. If there were more people like Rick and Dub Dub who self quarantined during sickness a zombie apocalypse would be a non issue.

Actual photo from race. I almost wept

So, dinner party. Wait no, Decorations. So Friday  night we decorate the house. Some of you may have seen pictures of it on the supermodel's book of faces. For readers among you who haven't, it was described to me this morning as "Christmas threw up" in my living room. Saturday we woke up and took the family to Krispy Kreme (not the rapper). I can now consider this training as there is a race in January. 2 miles. Eat a dozen doughnuts. 2 more miles. No only will I be competitive in a race for once in my life, I can almost guarantee a victory in the first 2/3 of that race. Anyway, while I was training, there was a car show going on in the parking lot. My name is Big Cat and I have a problem. There I said it. I adore cars. Every aspect. Aesthetics  technical design, performance, all of it. It is one topic about which you can never learn everything and opinions are welcome. I love them. J'dore. So I may have eaten too fast. I may have taken El Fox (Stay-puft) and run to go look at a lowered VW Bus from like 1962 parked next to a Plymouth Fury. sigh. I have my truck but dream of a garage to work on it and buy the car of my dreams. So doughnuts and cars then to go get the pick up and the dog. We were off to get a pretty Christmas tree.

June Bug and Senor Toilet getting ready to tree shop

For years we cut down our own in the backyard. This felt wholesome and american. Last year we had to drive forever to go to a tree farm and do the same. The supermodel hated every minute of this.  Our back-stories differ. She and her mother bought pretty trees and had themes to decorate them differently every year. My family all loaded up in the car to a tree farm, rode a tractor to the field and spend hours listening to mother debating size to bald spot ratios, and using my sister and I as place markers to save the current best. I would then try to use the bow saw to cut it down, my father would then cut it down. Hot chocolate and a car ride later we were home. Father was in charge of lights then the rest of us put on the ornaments. We each get 1 new ornament a year and so each one on the tree is special and brings up memories. This doesn't make for a uniform department store tree but it says a lot about each of us.

We had to have a sit down and discuss this disconnect. We went with a hybrid but it was a big deal. Marriage is hard sometimes and apparently Christmas Tree decor is one of these things. A blend works well and in the end her fancy tree she got from a local big box store had so many limbs that we put all the ornaments on that we had or were gifted to us. It is quite full now and no two bulbs of the same color are too close to one another on the strings of lights. That is a big deal. Ask me how I know. Two red bulbs next to each other - earth shattering. Janky homemade stockings - perfect. I don't understand. That is why I am the sous decorator. It looks baller and festive and Carols a plenty.

We are so much fun

I was also sous chef for the party. My  wife can flat out cook. She once said she feels more like herself when she is baking. That is fine and good but what comes out of the oven makes me BE more of myself. I get big. Menu for party: Roast in red wine with egg noodles. Homemade rolls. Dessert, Bread Pudding. Of course she made the brioche from scratch and when the first one didn't make her happy she made up her own recipe and tried again! Then made a sauce full of bourbon! I like to think of that as a sort of renewing our vows. I am recommitted to her after this meal. Our friend brought a delicious salad with toasted pine nuts and avocado that was to die for. The others were in charge of the pickled herring. I was dubious until I tried it and it was delicious. I felt so very Scandinavian. I am practically Garrison Keillor after eating that.

I cleaned some night of and woke up
early to finish cleaning before wife woke up

The same friend who told me Christmas vomited all over my house also said she recently read an article about the death of the dinner party(found link. of couse she reads the times). People apparently don't do it anymore. I say bring it back. I never have more fun that when we have people over or are at another persons home just laughing and enjoying our different points of view. Sorry, I just think its dumb that we all sit at home and watch TV alone and then when we get together, all we discuss is what we watch on TV.  Dumb. Invite some people over and make dinner. It doesn't have to be fancy. Lord knows I am bad at fancy. I plan on having more people over before the season is over just because I can and I may just cook Chicken and Dumplings

Okay to sum up. things i like:
Doughnuts
Dinner Guests
Decorations for holidays of any sort
Delicious Food
and 1954 Oldsmobile Rocket 88 as a mild custom (but i'm not picky)