sickness

Sickness in The Home is not uncommon. I have never owned toddlers before and so this idea of sharing diseases back and forth is fairly new. I know that we are not helping the situation by letting them co-sleep but the hippies on the internets said that next to quinoa, co-sleeping is important for kids. I assume they meant letting them sleep together because what grown man would allow a child in their bed? Not because I am 1850s lumberjack man's man but rather I sleep the sleep of the dead. My conscious is so clear that I often fall asleep within moments and have sweet dreams as directed by my mother all those years ago. If there was a toddler in the bed, they would be crushed when I roll over.

Smoking a cigarette giving his son his first mustache, beret, and axe.
I bet he took his son to work.

This was a solid plan. Then, they got sick. At some point in the blur that is the last week and a half, I woke up with a baby dinosaur in the bed. That is to say he woke me up in the middle of the night. How you ask? Snuggling close and cooing? No. He decided that perpendicular is the preferred arrangement of two bodies sharing a bed. Fine I say. However, do not put your feet up and rest them on the cushy ottoman that is my belly. I am six feet, five inches tall and was not given my proper portion of the bed. I tried to get all marxist and share the bed evenly amongst the people but no, he is a totalitarian megalomaniac when it comes to sleeping arrangements. I demand the Lucy and Desi arrangement of 2 twin beds. Surely, that would keep me safe. I fear that he would impose his policy bedroom imperialism even across hemispheres. See the Monroe Doctrine and Roosevelt Corollary for the framework of his tyranny.

Look how smug he is sleeping alone

They are probably just asking for their spot in the bed back.

Anyway, they are sharing their disease with me and while I appreciate a good rash as much as the next guy, I am done with this. El Fox came to class last week and got to sit in on one of my lectures due to fever. She colored and wrote her name on the chalkboard. My students, most of whom are female and future nurses, tried as hard as they could to pay attention. Well I know how to stop that, bring the little guy. Yep, on Monday he wasn't allowed to go to school due to some ailment. The Supermodel had to go take a hammer and a chisel to a cadaver to remove parts of the vertebral column and gain access to the spinal cord. I had to lecture on histology and the integument. One of these is less scaring for a youth.

I am not going to pay attention in anatomy agent 99.
Wait is that a cute kid to watch instead?

He came to school where we had babysitters arranged. My thought was he get passed from sorority house to sorority house being doted on. He refused. From 8 until 11:30 he sat in my classroom. Three lectures. No one payed attention to me. During one lecture he thought the floor was made of fire and acid and required me to hold him the entire time. One benefit was that he was used as an example of development of tissue and the ability to turn infants orange with carotene rich veggies.

RIP Willy Wonka also well done on the balance diet for your oompa loom pas

Both younglings are currently dosed up on tylenol and at school and feeling much better.
Mr. Fabulous however is dying. The good news is that it isn't based on some microbe. Instead, we forced it on him. Braces hurt. Changing wires hurts. And adding brackets hurts. He woke up today with his jaw swollen and begging to not go to school. He later revised it to, "Just let me go to math and then I will come home." Nerd. So he gets ibuprofen and yogurt and goes to school.

Wilson is not sick but he is in an air force uniform today. Quite dashing. Good thing he isn't really wanting a girlfriend right now. He would require a stick to keep them away, but not in an abusive sort of way.

AARP continuing the family tradition.

EDIT: Just got the call that Mr. Fabulous aka Jaws has to get picked up from school. Pain is too much and keeping him from being able to work.

I did my math!

EDIT EDIT: Things just got weird. Got AARP from the high school and brought him home to be with Jaws. Getting ready to head back to work and the dog begins to scream the "I am being murdered someone come save me" scream. She had somehow wedged her bottom teeth and jaw in the bars of her kennel. She totally freaks as is expected. What is not expected is her anal glands to eject their contents all over the blankets and kennel. Don't know what those are? I did the google image search. again you don't want to do that.The smell is overwhelming the images were unnecessary. Cue operation Air Out The House 

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