Giving an exam today and trying to get caught up. I mean I like science and all but when you get a bunch of crap data or reactions that refuse to work the way they should you really start to get a bit grumpy pants. I have a lab full of students doing all of this work for me and it never really...works. I don't have the time really to go in and hand hold but it may be about that time.

In other news, the boys are officially done with after-school. They are now old enough and mature enough... no let me rephrase that. One of them, Wilson, is mature enough and will keep Mr. Fabulous within a pretty broad definition of what is acceptable behavior. We hope. I am not abandoning the children. They will be home an hour or maybe two before I get home. I was feeling guilty but once the supermodel explained to me how much money this would save us a month, my guilt evaporated. Amazing what saving money will do to clear your mind.

Also, hot chocolate is the best. I limit my coffee intake but replacing it with hot chocolate has been a most glorious decision. Try it. About 10 AM in the doldrums of your terrible, no good, rotten morning, get up and go make some warm delicious hot chocolate. Day fixed. Your welcome.

Real People Work

Working stinks! okay not it doesn't. I love my work and helping student but dang....

My smartypants kids in bioinformatics are killing it but now i have to challenge them somehow. I think an exam might be a good measure of this.

The boys were at their dad's house in MS this weekend and so, the little lady and I had a morning together shopping. The supermodel came too but wasn't of any concern. This baby has softened me. I can admit that. I love being a dad and cannot wait until we have the money saved up in the bank for a minivan (and the money to make it look like this...)

Not that I am picky.

Live blog - elementary school talent show

We are an hour and 40 minutes into comedy gold. Dance, song, karate demonstrations. Blue wigs, black light rave dances, and a LOT of Taylor Swift angst in 3rd graders. Will try to give play by play.

7:35 Sequins are big this year.

7:40 Little person song and dance.

7:44 Now the Song of Songs!!!!! Apache! YouTube that mess!!! Me and a whole row of black women just jumped up to Dane along.

7:47 when did lip syncing become a talent? Just saying. More apache. This is a lull. Bring back the 1st grader in the sequined suit who nailed gangnam style in the first act.

7:49 our second christmas carol of the night.

Let me pause to say I am here alone. My whole fam came to support Wilson then ditched me. Supermodel is in class. Wilson and señor fabulous have run off to sit with friends. Me and Godzilla are just chillin'. Ps she passed out in act 1. Best dad ever! That row of black women told me I won. Didn't qualify that mess. Not I won the day, a door prize, their respect. I just straight up win. New business cards being printed. Big Cat, Winner.

7:53 synchronized swimming on stage. 6 2nd grade girls. Can't wait for it to start. Lots of build up. 1950's bathing caps and music. Or music is from Mario under water level. Hard to tell. Not synced. Still not bad. One act to go.... Will report back tomorrow hopefully.

Snow day

It snowed.... people lost their damn minds... milk and bread...2 hours in traffic etc.

Okay so now that all the require snow day blogging is done...
1. snowball fights are tons of fun.
2. day after ice fights end with Wilson having a busted bloody lip that doesn't slow him down.
3. people have lost their damn minds
4. Leftover night is the best night to eat dinner at our house other than breakfast for dinner night.

I was tired. 

5. If you are laying in the bed trying to go to sleep at 7:30 your kids will ask to tell you goodnight when being tucked in by saying.... "can dad come say good night or is he already passed out" What the what? I am not Otis the town drunk. I just was tired and it gets dark early.
6. After putting them down and getting back in bed, a supermodel will almost surely decide that the dog needs to come in because it is cold.

Let me stop. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of meeting our "dog," she is a hound. I had a dog. A great dog. Codependent in all the best ways. Annoying and needy and troublesome. Too big and dopey for her own good. A bit rough and tumble. She bit small boys and herded them into their beds or onto the couch where she thought they should be. We lost her last year just before Stay-Puft showed up. Stay-Puft is my rebound girl but it seems to be working out.

As previous dog, Kate-Monster, was in the process of quitting her day job, it was decided that a replacement should be sourced. Kate-Monster's enabler, the vet who said she was fat and happy and to leave her alone, was a member of the humane societies board and said they had another hound. I wanted a bloodhound or black and tan. Noble breeds. Dopey and too big.

At this point I made the largest mistake of my recent life. I took Mr. Fabulous and Wilson with me to go and look at this potential new member of my clan. Duchess was her name. We couldn't find her. The volunteer had to take the dog house off of her. That's right. Not get her out but rather lift the house off of her. She was very pregnant. Very dirty. Very emaciated. Deathly. We had to have her. Long story short, she was fixed, puppies were adopted out (to a trash can but don't tell the boys), and came home with us. She didn't eat. We put bacon grease on the food. She didn't eat. We offered her the bacon. She didn't eat.

We now have a healthy, gorgeous, gentle hound dog. She is independent to the point she doesn't need us or want us. Her tail never wags and she doesn't like being inside. The only things she loves in this life are 1. rides in the busted truck. 2. Mr. Fabulous 3. Pooping in our driveway exclusively 4.Smelling like death

This is Smokey. The Univeristy of  Tenn. mascot.
June-Bugg's cousin. Equally enthused

Noble Beast. If you can't smell her.

June-Bugg (as she was renamed) is a long eared blue tick coon hound. She has a certain musk that can't be undone. You bath her and within a day she is back to 100% stink power. She is stinky and anti-social and my wife decided to bring her inside as I was trying to relax. This meant I had to bathe her and dry her and then put her in Mr. Fabulous' bed. By the time she got to the boys room, the boys were in the same bed. Not sure why. They just love each other I guess. She now won't leave his bed and had to be forced out of the house before we left.

I love that stinking dog and she may have appreciated it. Who knows, but dinner was delicious.

Quotes with Mr. Fabulous

best quote ever after the Russian supermodel had to photograph her short order breakfast for dinner to send to her Ginger-Lauren.

"girls and their tweeting"

Thank you Mr. Fabulous for pointing out the ill of our society with staying too connected to our phones and technology. When the supermodel has to check FaceTube before she can say goodmorning, you know you have problems. I have remedied this by waking her up with classic pop and hip hop. Can't ignore Missy "Miss'demeanor" Elliot.

Also, he came in to snuggle with the bride and sat up and passed gas.

"I'm going to stink it up in here."

Excuses

How is my exercise regiment going you ask. Poorly.

But I like pigs....

The Bike race in December I was so keen on doing was rained out. And the Festive 500 was interrupted by a slight case of dysentery with a side of double cholera. Victorian diseases are out to get me, I would swear it. Earlier in the year I had consumption and became a lung'r. The supermodel almost sent me to live in TB Ward in an arid climate where I could go around doing my best Val Kilmer, "I'll be your huckleberry."

Why, no, as a matter of fact I haven't run due to my condition

I am now reaching my winter weight and am in bed by 8 every night. I have no idea when I am supposed to exercise except after the kids are in bed. That is just not worth it in my mind... yet.

Top Ten Favorite Excuses Not to Exercise...
1. Blame Kids. Being a parent is soooo hard blah blah blah. (Totally not true. Which makes it a great excuse)

obviously staged. 

2. Victorian Disease. Well documented fact that my GI tract hates me. Also no one questions you when the noises coming from the bathroom are a mix of the furnace in the basement from home alone and Chewbacca screaming.

Scary Furnace/ Graphic Representation of my Hateful GI

3. Laziness. Honesty is never comfortable but no one who knows me questions this either

those lines get seriously long

4.-10. working on. Feel free to make suggestions.

Back to Things as usual

Totally a Fan. All she cares
about is passer ratings and
YAC stats.

School is back in for the boys. Stay puft is back at daycare. The Russian is culturing mono and infecting poor souls with it so as to make them immortal. I sit in my office baffled at how to write a new course for the spring and try to wrap up a research article. Oh and The University of Alabama won another national championship.

The Russian Defends this Warmack's
style as it is so close to Stay-puft's

The Russian hated football. Nary a single hotty toddy while we lived in a college town. Games were opportunities to dress well and drink outside. So maybe she was a fan in the sense that any true southern girl is a fan. Things have changed. She was introduced to Alabama football and now yells at the tv, calls players by their first name, and scolds them when they don't live up to her standards. She is modeling her life on Nick Saban's press conferences. Bless her soul. I don't even care this much and I call myself a fan.

Our past weekend was quiet and normal but we injected a healthy dose of football. We got tickets to BBVA Compass Bowl at Legion Field in Birmingham for Saturday. The night before 2Pop and I did a pre-party at a wedding reception venue/expensive car storage facility. I like cars they were neat. The open bar was nice and I met business people who wanted my card. (They didn't mean my student ID. Who knew?). Ole Miss was playing and she and I went with Biggie and 2Pop. The game the next day was fun and the Ole Miss fans left before the game was over so, we knew they were real Ole Miss fans.

Also, Feed Moncrief! Best student video, bought up by athletics department and used to market. Waited for song to play at the game.

Same basic dog. But bigger
and much sweeter. 

So, Legion Field. It is a dump. The neighborhood is poverty wrapped in ramshackle houses with enormous dogs on bigger chains attached to them. The area is famous for people with white towels waving you into their yards for parking. Everyone in the neighborhood was super nice and we had no problems. People are people no matter their station in life. Wilson pointed out one day after hanging out with me and 2Pop that we talk to everyone the same. I think we had been at Lowe's or some such. He asked why we talked to the guy working there the same way we talk to our bosses or the guy picking up our trash. He was trying to ask why we are so damn talkative and (2Pop especially) will chat up a brick wall with all the civility in the world and work to find common ground with the person. Something in common. I told him because people are people and what they do for a living or what they look like doesn't matter(and because 2Pop and I like to talk too damn much). I will never forget that conversation with him and I hope he doesn't.

Sunday was laid back and included Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark. Not a bad day. Now last night was a different story. Wilson and Mr. Fabulous begged to stay up for the game last year so this year we acquiesced. We went to Biggie's house. Food was laid out. Boys at wings and pizza and cookie cake and had soda! Big night. Wilson didn't watch a single snap and put himself to bed before halftime. Mr. Fabulous put up a good resistance. Made it till after brother went to bed then came and watched about a quarter before he too was put to bed. "I'm not sleepy at all" were the words that came out right before his body gave up on him. The Russian yelled at the TV and updated Facebook accordingly then, I had the joy of carrying the kids to the car and taking them home. I think Wilson slept in jeans and a fleece and his shoes. I wanted to.
A bit of internet mockery....

Good one. 

Hilarious

Reminds me of a great joke. How do you catch a unique cat?
U -nique up on it. How do you catch a tame cat? Tame way...
U -nique up on it. 

A good weekend and another coming up.