Moral Grey Area

So the boys have an arsenal of nerf guns and adore having big drawn out battles. I contest this is best done in a gym so as to not lose bullets etc. We did this once before in the 4 racquetball courts at work and it was AWESOME! Well its Christmas Break there and everything is locked up and the only thing I have keys to is my building.

Yesterday, the Supermodel and I discussed that this might be in bad taste in light of recent school shootings etc. Always one to do the right thing, I said screw it and we went and ran up and down my hall and in and out of lecture rooms laughing and playing while StayPuft cruised the hall. The boys had no idea why is was a grey area. They just know that they had an "EPIC" nerf gun battle, to use their term. Nothing makes me happier than watching the supermodel chase down wilson, cornering him, and pelting him with nerf darts over and over and over again. The family that nerfs together and all that.

Wet, Without Clothes, Wilson, Trapped

New Years comes and goes for me with no fanfare. The Supermodel and I both lament this fact. But lets be honest. It is a grown up kid free holiday celebration. Someday I want to take the bride to a big party and do it right. Not this year. We went to bed. Our new year has been fun so far though. A friend of ours said that what you do on New Years Day reflects the year you are going to have. Our older son, Wilson started it with a bang. The boys went out and had a pinecone and mud battle in the rain all day on the first and came back to get baths. Wilson elected for a shower in our bathroom. I didn't hear from him for a while so, I went to check on him. Turns out, he couldn't get the shower door open. He was stuck. His brother had done this a week or two ago. No big deal, I will get you out. I go to open the bathroom door and he has locked it.

He is stuck in the shower. I am locked out of the bathroom and there is no way for us to get to one another. I try to talk him through the exit procedures to no avail. Now, senor fabulous has come to my room to join in "helping." His help is anything but. Stay Puft is in the next room napping for the first time of the day and it took an act of God to get her down. Anyone who wakes her up is going to be  sent to the orphanage. Standing rule.

Realizing what has to be done, I go get a hammer and a screwdriver. I had to take the door off the hinges and pull it out of the door jam. Wilson is intermittently turning on and off the hot water in the shower during the entire process so as to stave off hypothermia. Door off hinges and sitting against a dresser in my room, I go to open the shower door but ask him to try again and give him the exact same step by step and he opens it right up. He sheepishly looked at me and asked for a towel.

He is in for a good year.

Obligatory Christmas Wrap Up

Well here goes nothing.

Yummy bottletree

Longest Christmas ever. Like Sandlot "Forever."So general recap. The boys were to be with their father/grandparents over the break and after a bit of high drama this was made to happen. I drove to Oxford, MS to drop them with GrandMommy and then to pick up Felicia's super secret and thoughtful Christmas present. (Just ask me, I am awesome.) After dropping off the boys I went and met Jedi, the IT man for a pastry and coffee at BottleTree Bakery on the square. It was delightful. I miss him more than a person should miss another person. We ran into Holli the candy lady and her new baby who is approximately the same age as Stay Puft. Both were adorable and I realized how much I miss our friends. So pastry in my belly, we started the walk back to his place when we were stopped by the artisan who had made the Russian Super Model's present. Like whipped her car over on the side of the road and jumped out and hugged our necks! Soon there after her husband pulled up in his 1951ish Chevy Truck, swoon. The four of us held court on the sidewalk long enough that two different car loads of people stopped to ask directions and the first car had come back to say thank you. Lazy Saturdays in Oxford are missed. Those of you still living there, appreciate them.

So between that Saturday and the 26th, which is when we picked up the boys, the supermodel and I just tried to keep it together. We hung out with 2Pop and Biggie who were just wonderful to us and tried to keep us busy knowing how hard it would be for Christmas to come and go with no boys. Christmas eve we tried to go to church and ended up late and at the children's pagent service and had to sit in the choir loft, again. Two years in a row makes it a tradition right? Afterwards the plan was Chinese food but our beloved Chop Suey Inn was closed. Heartbroken and not really feeling like it was Christmas we went home and ate leftovers. The next day we went and watched Thunder and Lightning, my twin nieces open christmas presents and we ate decadent food stuffs. If I remember correctly it was french toast with blueberries and pecans and creme cheese and syrup and well it was delicious. Don't judge. 2Pop fixed the supermodels favorite diet friendly meal. A large hunk of meat with no vegetables other than a potato to be seen for miles, red wine, and bread pudding for dessert. That was Christmas night. I cannot tell you how grateful I am that my parents have welcomed the supermodel in and take care of us.

Best present ever!

The 26th we got the boys and pretended it was Christmas Eve. Wake up on the 27th and wait for 2Pop and Biggie to get to the house and open presents. The boys got too much. Why is it that every year our family says, "its going to be a small Christmas this year" and then every year it seems to be bigger? Is this just our family? I got everything I have ever needed. My wife got me an electronic do dad that makes it possible to have the television hooked up in the basement and music in the upstairs part of the house. Very utilitarian and sweet. Music makes our house happier. Dance parties will now resume in the morning. The boys got me a coffee mug to take to work. There is a Keruig? Kuring? Keuringerisimo? whatever. A single serve coffee machine thing at school. They keep hot chocolate cups up there and I am still 8 years old so, before every lecture I go and make a cup of hot chocolate to help me through lectures and to help pace. I had been drinking out of borrowed cups for the last year and a half. Now I don't mind being the worlds best granddad but I have no idea what science experiments were done in that cup. No Longer! I am now... "BIG DADDY" Its no Big Cat but it will do. I love it. We then ate sausage balls and from scratch cinnamon rolls. The supermodel is quite the baker. When she has her psychoanalysis sessions the theme is always, "I just feel more like myself when I am baking." Well that and wearing copious amounts of fur and speaking russian.

a small christmas?

Later the whole dang bunch of us rolled up on Biggie's crib. Big Daddy, Supermodel, Wilson, Senor Fabulous, Stay Puft is my clan. My Sister, her husband, Thunder and Lightning. 2Pop and Biggie. Then my mother's mother, The Queen of Subtle and my mother's little sister, The middle school vice principle (alternative job title, glutton for punishment), Lynne. That makes something like 4 billion of us in the house. Opening the presents took 4 hours I think. Children make Christmas better. There I said it. I could have gotten nothing and been happy. I thought my parents had just been hard to buy for but you really don't need anything but a cup of cider and to watch the kids open. Stay Puft really only wanted to eat everything. Everything. Bless her she is one of us.

A day or two later, more family came through. My father at one point said that Christmas was too long this year and he wanted to get back to normal. He didn't mean it and took it back immediately but I know what he meant. I am looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow myself. Same wrap up everyone writes on blogs, I know. Sorry. Next post will be better

I am the Testor

Finals time. I loathe writing and proctoring exams. So, I blog. I sit around as the testor and look around at all my "testee"s and am sad that I wont' have students until next semester. I really am in the right profession. I adore teaching. Now, I get into the writing portion of my job. I have papers to get published and need about 10K by spring to get all the research done I would like to by the end of next summer. It could happen but for now I just sit around and watch my "testee"s and hope they aren't cheating on me.

My one rule about exercising

I have only one rule. Never sign up for a race. Well apparently, I have been signed up for another event or two. I am excited about both but the Krispy Kreme run sounds much less daunting. So, there is a super fancy (overpriced or maybe I am underpaid) bicycle company called Rapha. Apparently, they are now giving out merit badges. Being an Eagle Scout I love me some badges. The rub is this, I have to ride 500km over 8 days between the 23 and the 31 on a human powered bicycle (not on the handlebars while someone else peddles. Looked into that). I think that is 8 days. I was totally down for this until I did the conversion. Apparently 500km isn't from here to Krispy Kreme and back. It is more like from here to the Krispy Kreme in China and back. Alas, I have been signed up for it and thus will participate. I don't know how to train to ride 38.875 miles a day for over a week so I am designing my own training plan.

1. Buy warm Clothes. Why in the world is this in winter. I am inside right now and my toes are cold. My cycling shoes have vented toes. I am going to need shoecovers and warm jackets.
2. Exercise as little as possible. I would think that 500km on a bike would cover me for the year on exercise. My future cardiologist would appreciate me exercising but come on. So, since Dr. Spaceman doesn't have a say so yet, I am saying that this will cover me for December and plan to be as still as possible until the 24.
3. Build up energy reserves. I am not dieting my way through the holidays so you can forget it!

muffin tops rides again!

4. Bring Bike out of hiding. Since the Passing on the Left Running Club (PoLR Club?) has formed and the baby born, I have biked less. Perhaps this will get me back in the habit. I kind of miss it.
5. Buy more stretchy clothes. No one looks sillier than a fat guy in spandex. Ask me how I know. I have always said they should publish a weight limit in the bike clothes. I am not huge but big enough that they don't stock my size. Oh how I don't look forward to being this cold.

Ride to Redemption?
Ride to Lunch maybe. 

So in short, I am screwed. If you thought throwing up rainbows and my shoes after a half marathon was bad stick around. By new years day I will be filled with sadness and regret and my resolution will be to hunt down the person who has signed me up and then collapse because the hunting will wear me out. All for a merit badge.

oh the holidays

It's not cold thus according to the Russian supermodel it is more difficult to get in the Christmas spirit. I have tried lots of things. Decorate. Nope. Listen to Loads of Christmas Music. Nope. Go look at all the pretty lights... Nope. We went last night to the zoo where my sister works and did all sorts of festive things. There were lights. It was most of the Family. Brother in Law still has his schedule and missed this activity. It must kill him and I hate it for him. Anyway, I rode the train with the family to go look at lights. Stay-Puft in my arms cried because she was scared before we started. She then got the idea and was happy but clung to me. I don't mean to be all sappy but she clung to me. Up till this point she smiled and laughed at everyone. She probably would have clung to anyone but she didn't. She clung to me! This was her call from the governor at 11:59. She can stick around. See the night before there is some debate as to whether or not (NOT is the answer) she said Momma. So we all agree she was holding onto me for support and so she is mine. Thank you Russian Supermodel for birthing this up-till-now parasite, I like her. But this is not Holiday Spirit. What am I doing wrong?

We have not gone and shopped for presents for anyone yet really. I will say though shopping in these crowds does not put me in the Holiday Spirit. They make me cling to plush children's toys that play music and rock back and forth and basically look like Rainman without all the special abilities. I am hoping that wrapping some presents and putting them under the tree will help. We will see. What do you guys do? Are you all cheery? Switch Pandora to Holiday Music? Bad Sweaters? Am I just too early?

Baby Jesus Vomit

The holiday season is upon us! I typically am a strict "not before December  holiday decorator. I was forced out of this on Friday and brought up our two plastic totes of decorations on Friday after work. I was only 8 hours early and its what the Russian wanted. She had planned and organized schedules for a dinner party with 6 of our friends. At the last minute two could not make it due to self quarantine  The pox is upon there house and so I wish them no ill will and actually want to thank them publicly for not infecting the rest of us. If there were more people like Rick and Dub Dub who self quarantined during sickness a zombie apocalypse would be a non issue.

Actual photo from race. I almost wept

So, dinner party. Wait no, Decorations. So Friday  night we decorate the house. Some of you may have seen pictures of it on the supermodel's book of faces. For readers among you who haven't, it was described to me this morning as "Christmas threw up" in my living room. Saturday we woke up and took the family to Krispy Kreme (not the rapper). I can now consider this training as there is a race in January. 2 miles. Eat a dozen doughnuts. 2 more miles. No only will I be competitive in a race for once in my life, I can almost guarantee a victory in the first 2/3 of that race. Anyway, while I was training, there was a car show going on in the parking lot. My name is Big Cat and I have a problem. There I said it. I adore cars. Every aspect. Aesthetics  technical design, performance, all of it. It is one topic about which you can never learn everything and opinions are welcome. I love them. J'dore. So I may have eaten too fast. I may have taken El Fox (Stay-puft) and run to go look at a lowered VW Bus from like 1962 parked next to a Plymouth Fury. sigh. I have my truck but dream of a garage to work on it and buy the car of my dreams. So doughnuts and cars then to go get the pick up and the dog. We were off to get a pretty Christmas tree.

June Bug and Senor Toilet getting ready to tree shop

For years we cut down our own in the backyard. This felt wholesome and american. Last year we had to drive forever to go to a tree farm and do the same. The supermodel hated every minute of this.  Our back-stories differ. She and her mother bought pretty trees and had themes to decorate them differently every year. My family all loaded up in the car to a tree farm, rode a tractor to the field and spend hours listening to mother debating size to bald spot ratios, and using my sister and I as place markers to save the current best. I would then try to use the bow saw to cut it down, my father would then cut it down. Hot chocolate and a car ride later we were home. Father was in charge of lights then the rest of us put on the ornaments. We each get 1 new ornament a year and so each one on the tree is special and brings up memories. This doesn't make for a uniform department store tree but it says a lot about each of us.

We had to have a sit down and discuss this disconnect. We went with a hybrid but it was a big deal. Marriage is hard sometimes and apparently Christmas Tree decor is one of these things. A blend works well and in the end her fancy tree she got from a local big box store had so many limbs that we put all the ornaments on that we had or were gifted to us. It is quite full now and no two bulbs of the same color are too close to one another on the strings of lights. That is a big deal. Ask me how I know. Two red bulbs next to each other - earth shattering. Janky homemade stockings - perfect. I don't understand. That is why I am the sous decorator. It looks baller and festive and Carols a plenty.

We are so much fun

I was also sous chef for the party. My  wife can flat out cook. She once said she feels more like herself when she is baking. That is fine and good but what comes out of the oven makes me BE more of myself. I get big. Menu for party: Roast in red wine with egg noodles. Homemade rolls. Dessert, Bread Pudding. Of course she made the brioche from scratch and when the first one didn't make her happy she made up her own recipe and tried again! Then made a sauce full of bourbon! I like to think of that as a sort of renewing our vows. I am recommitted to her after this meal. Our friend brought a delicious salad with toasted pine nuts and avocado that was to die for. The others were in charge of the pickled herring. I was dubious until I tried it and it was delicious. I felt so very Scandinavian. I am practically Garrison Keillor after eating that.

I cleaned some night of and woke up
early to finish cleaning before wife woke up

The same friend who told me Christmas vomited all over my house also said she recently read an article about the death of the dinner party(found link. of couse she reads the times). People apparently don't do it anymore. I say bring it back. I never have more fun that when we have people over or are at another persons home just laughing and enjoying our different points of view. Sorry, I just think its dumb that we all sit at home and watch TV alone and then when we get together, all we discuss is what we watch on TV.  Dumb. Invite some people over and make dinner. It doesn't have to be fancy. Lord knows I am bad at fancy. I plan on having more people over before the season is over just because I can and I may just cook Chicken and Dumplings

Okay to sum up. things i like:
Doughnuts
Dinner Guests
Decorations for holidays of any sort
Delicious Food
and 1954 Oldsmobile Rocket 88 as a mild custom (but i'm not picky)