hypothetical post

Let's start this off with a bit of the bard, what do you say? In my limited Shakespearean acting, I once played the role of Puck from Midsummer Night's Dream. If you remember the end of the play then skip ahead. If not, at the end of the play Puck arrives on stage and says:

If we shadows have offended,

Think but this, and all is mended,

That you have but slumber'd here

While these visions did appear.

Meaning: What you are about to read didn't really happen and you aren't reading this blog post, you are having a dream. I can't get in trouble for what I am about to write because it isn't real life. (How's that for a literary disclaimer?)

My weekend you ask? Eventful. 

Boys had a Boy Scout campout that is quite involved and includes running a gambit of challenges and obstacles throughout one night. It is so involved that the adult leaders go up the day before to set up and some two days before. This was shaping up to be brilliant (other than the rain).

Can't you just hear the birds chirping?
What could go wrong?

I had some big fancy schmacy executive council luncheon and meeting Friday and could not leave town to go and help the other adult leaders until that afternoon.

They didn't turn my umbrella inside out so I consider it a good fancy meeting.
My understanding of meeting decorum comes from Disney movies

The campout was at a local Boy Scout summer camp that I happened to work at for 10 years. I know this place better than I know my wife. My relationship with this camp is as complicated and I may love it almost as much. It feels as much like home as anywhere else I have ever lived. I didn't arrive until dusk and as it has been 10 years since my last visit, I may have cried a bit. 

I bebop down the gravel and dirt roads from memory headed to where I was to meet the other adults. As I make the last turn, I drive through what I remember being an enormous mud hole known as "the quagmire." I am immediately grateful that I made it through and get to the end of this part of the road only to find an enormous rock. This road? Not a road anymore. It is now a trail apparently because cars/tractors kept getting stuck. I will just back out. Nope. Stuck. Over the hub.

If I had been allowed to modify the dad van....

I get out of the car in my fancy schmacy meeting clothes and walk the remaining few hundred yards carrying my gear in a light drizzle. This should have been the sign...

Eventually, I find out that I am camping a half mile away and get a ride there and get set up and change clothes. Around this time I get the text saying, "I think I have a broken radiator hose." Not good. Turns out it was the whole radiator

Maybe this only happens in our house, but every time I leave town the world melts around The Supermodel. Kids getting stitches, heirlooms broken, etc.

She get's the car dropped off, deals with kids who didn't have the greatest day ever and survives. She wakes up at 6 am with a migraine to needy kids. What could possibly be next? 

 A series of text messages were sent as my phone was losing its battery life that are private and will remain between her and I.  The major point driven home was that I will never leave home again and that when I got home she was leaving and may never come back. I love my wife and she handled the car and took care of everything and was mostly venting but during this text message exchange, my side of the world got interesting as well. 

if she had written in all emoticons

Friday night, a deluge happened where we were. No one around me got any sleep due to thunder and lightning and enough rain to require an ark. I had a phantom allergic reaction come up just before bed and had taken a Benadryl and slept quite well, only waking a few times. 

All of this rain meant that the boats required for one of the events planned had to be emptied. Two men who were less than able bodied had brought pots to bail out the boats and it would have been 12 hours to make this happen. I walk over and begin the process of hauling the boats out of the water to flip them over when; I bend over to unmoor one and my phone drops into the deep end of the water in the boat. 

You can't read confrontational texts underwater so there is that.

I move quickly to retrieve it and where I step the causes the boat to rock and settle on the side that I was now standing on. The water then goes over the top of my boot, filling it with water. 

Spoiler Alert, I didn't get to change said boot or sock until 11PM. This happened at 8 AM. My foot is still prune-y.

Do Not Ever google image search prune feet.
My feet weren't that bad and I will never complain again.
Hence pictures of dried fruit. 

I got the boats emptied, phone in pocket to dry out (in the midst of trying to calm a quite heated matriarch is bad timing to say the least), and walked with a bit of a squishing sound back to where I was and sat down on a post to calm myself down, get over it, and tell myself that it would all be okay. It was not. Apparently that post had been colonized a large family of fire ants. I spent the next hour feeling phantom ants crawling across my lower back/upper rear end. The problem was that none of the ants were actually phantom ants they were real ants. I now have around 1 kajillion ant bites along my lower back. Every time I reached back, I interrupted an ant in the process of trying to bite me.

slowly saying "nom nom nom"

 Recap time: I have been gone 12 hours, my wife is leaving me, my car is stuck up to the axel in a quagmire, I have one wet boot/sock/foot, a dead phone dripping lake water, and now am in the midst of having my butt chewed on for an hour by fire ants. This was supposed to be relaxing.

After all that, I am not sure what happened. It rained quite a bit but the boys and I had a great time camping and ate well. The Supermodel got to spend time with El Fox’s new best friend and her family.

I do know what I saw when I got home Sunday. The small two ran to the door to greet me and were screaming for me gleefully. I quickly unpacked outside and hung up all of my gear and clothes to dry and/or wait to be laundered. The older boys rode the bus with the troop so; at this point I am by myself. I walk into the house after getting my gear squared away and I see El Fox being chased by the Dino through the house. It appears as though they have been running amuck for the weekend. I can see where The Supermodel has been cleaning obviously. She put in a solid effort and had been beaten back. Attrition is no way to lose a war. Being trapped with them at home with no car must be her own personal hell.

The only place worse to be stuck at than home with your kids.
File this under: Oh dear god please waterboard me instead!

So, they are chasing one another through a minefield of play food, matchbox cars, blocks, Legos and God only know what else. I then notice that she is wearing a princess dress and heels carrying her toothbrush and toothpaste. That is odd enough. I then notice that her pursuer is chasing her with his older brothers toothbrush. I am now following him in this parade of nonsense while wearing camping clothes covered in red mud. Kitchen to Dining Room, a loop through the living room, down the hall to their bedroom. This is where I found The Supermodel asleep in The Fox’s bed. 

Let's all pretend that she was sleeping with a smile on her face with her hair done.
Maybe I can get some points back for not describing the truth. 

I said nothing, ran away, showered, cleaned up toys, loaded the princess and The Dino into my car, and ran away in fear. Several hours later, after getting the older children, we returned home and had a lovely evening and were all in bed before 8.

Let us remember our Shakespeare, I didn't say anything bad about my wife. She is a delight. You are just dreaming all this while sleeping prettily. 

This won't end well

Last week, I foolishly pointed out to the boys that a house at the edge of our neighborhood was for sale. The same house that had two disused quarter pipe skateboard ramps in the back yard. A plan was hatched to call the real estate agent and ask if they could have them. Mr. Fabulous calls the realtor and immediately gets confused on the phone, in the end the realtor agreed to call the homeowner and ask for them. They get the okay 5 minutes later. I begin regretting pointing this out. This is a weeknight, the little ones are in the process of eating and starting their wind down procedures. No way are we going to get them that night....

Graphic Representation of my decision making paradigm

So, we load up in the Dad Van and go to check them out. There is a small one. It is 24" tall maybe and 3-4 feet across. This is perfect and just what I wanted to find. It is a bit rotten and will need reworking a bit. We work together and wrestle it through a narrow gate and down some sketchy stairs. We then go back to check out Ramp #2. It is large. Four feet tall, 5 feet across and 8 feet deep. Why so deep? There is a platform on the top for them to drop in from. HUGE. The lack of broken bones in our house is a problem this will solve.

This may have been fueled by unrealized dreams of my youth

It wasn't rotten so that excuse for not getting it was out. It was however too big for them to help move and it had no chance of fitting in the Dad Van. These kids are smart. They know my weaknesses. They ask for me to call Uncle Brett. All of you have a best friend that when you are with, things get more interesting and you can count on everything you do together turning into a story. Your Uncle Brett has nothing on me and my bff. He is by no means an uncle but they called him that and offered ice cream. I later found out that he only came to make my life harder through the acquisition of this ramp. His only question to me at the time was if he needed a truck and when they wanted to do it. they obviously wanted to do it immediately as it was now dark out. And why would he need a truck? I have a truck.

About my truck. It is glorious. That is all you need to know. Also it may be useful to know that its brakes are suspect at best. The clutch and first gear are very tired. Both of those things are reasonable considered its a 1964 model. I only drive it twice a year anyway. So the battery is dead obviously.

Actual picture of my beautiful somewhat functional truck

My kryptonite bff is now at my house, my kids are chomping at the bit to go, Supermodel is looking out the window only shaking her head (foreshadowing), and I have a dead truck. Lets insert a map here:

Cartographer in the making. ROAD OF DEATH should be noted. Also note the location of ramp in relation to said road and the steep hills leading to it.

There are large hills leading away from the home. So, we roll start the truck? This works if you remember to turn on the ignition before you roll down the hill. My bad. I had to turn at approximately 1000 mph to avoid certain death. Figure 2.

These grey dots do nothing to give a sense of sheer panic when you hit the usually quite stiff brake pedal and nothing happens. 

I now have a dead truck on the side of the road at night. We are now worse off than before we started. We now walk home to get a second car to jump the truck off with. It works like a champ. Take the road that is less scary to the house with the ramp and back into the drive way. I was thinking up until this point. I then turn off the truck. In my defense, I am a dummy. Figure 3

See all that red? New shorts would be required after this second leg of the trip

 The other three then walk to where I am with the truck. We then man handle this thing over a chain link fence and down a drop off because this ramp is too big to go through tiny gate and down stairs of death. We eventually get the thing into the back of the truck. I then have to walk back to where the car with the jumper cables was left and bring it to join the truck. I then can start the process in reverse. Uncle Brett agrees to drive the car back. Sitting in the now running truck alone with my thoughts, I know that nearly the entire way is uphill and will have to get up a head of steam somewhere early on in the return trip. I choose the lower road as there is a bit of down hill before I have to go straight up to The HOME. I attempt this in first gear. I don't even make it up the first hill. I have to roll back down, perilously close to THE ROAD OF DEATH, and retry in second gear. This works and I make it to the green portion of the map and floor it. I go around the corner at full throttle, up the hill to our circle, make the left at a kajillion mph and then into my driveway and carport at mock 2.

That not making it up that first hill caused me to possibly overcompensate for the rest of the journey. 

The ramp then gets unloaded, the boys go in and get in there pi's and go to bed dreaming of sweet tricks. I am a hero. All is well. Another job well done (the hard way) by Mr. Brett and myself.

Fathers day is just around the corner. 

The next morning....
I take the little ones to their school and head off to teach my classes. I get a text message that simply says "call." Anyone who has ever gotten this text message knows that it is rarely the harbinger of hope. Mr. Fabulous had 30 minutes to kill before leaving for school so, he decided to try out the big ramp.  After getting out of the shower The Supermodel heard a rapping, tapping on her chamber door.

We have an streak going on "days since and ER trip."    
Nevermore....

His top lip was split open and attached semi-permantly to his orthodontic appliance. He got his lip caught on his braces and had to have his mother extricate it. No bassoon for a week but no ER trip either.

If you want to come do some sweet tricks with them though, bring your board.

UPDATE: I MEANT TO ADD THAT IT WAS ALSO SCHOOL PICTURE DAY

its football season

I want to whine. I have a fever and am hot but cold. Tired but can't sleep. None of this bothers me as much as the greatest torment of my life. I am hungry but can't eat. Everything sounds good. I want wings and pizza with everything on it. Cheese fries no no chili cheese fries. My brain is on a slow simmer up there and has defaulted to my most base desires: lipids and carbs but mostly lipids and not the dessert kind.

This is not why I rolled over and fired up the blog. Last night football season started at the school where I teach. The Fox has been excited about this since the one game she went to last year. "We will rock you" by Queen is The Flootball Song. Yes Flootball. No pronounced Float but rather just stick and "l" sound in there.

We happen to have a copy of the song in the car and she and her little brother enjoy fist pumping to the beat on the way to school every day. I repeat: every day.

Dino in his car seat but way less excited

So yesterday...

Pick up Wilson and Mr Fabulous (4:30). Stop at The Home and pack bags and change into appropriate clothing. To be honest, I think I was sick at this point and may have laid down for a moment. Stop on way to get little ones and acquire Cheeseburger ketchup only and spicey chicken sandwich and enough fries to make Idaho proud. There was a kids meal with chocolate milk maybe and something for me which I promptly spilt down my shirt as we were exiting the drive through. I do believe however that it was the bucket of Coca Cola that kept me alive.

Get to little ones. Load them up on alternating rows in The Dad Van with a elder child there to assist with the eating of french fries and chocolate milk. I am a terrible parent. Fries??? Stop judging me you no children having people. Desperate times and all that. At some point The Dino grabs the box of fries and throws it across the car. My fries spilt everywhere as well. At the end of the night, I remotely open my doors, thanks honda, and am knocked down by the smell of fast food from 40 feet. Seriously.

competition to be Gloria and apparently my copilots.

We get to the game and have a blast. It was totally worth it. I love my kids. You need to picture this. My schools stadium sits in a sort of valley? hole? whatever. At one end are STEEP grassy hills. These hills have signs that say slide at your own risk. So where do I take my kids to sit? Of course there. Within short order they are all sliding down. Well not Dino.... yet. The Fox wore herself out. Badly. Covered in dirt with grass woven into her hair and covering her clothes, she refused to walk up the hill again and demanded that Mr Fabulous drag her to the top by the arms. That was not allowed. Fun was had by all and someone showed up with card board after the technical round and we were now ready for the speed round.

how cute would it have been if it looked like this?

The Twins, my nieces, came in around this point with the Coach's Wife and Coach. They were only allowed to go down with their big cousins and one loved it and the other loves big bows in her hair. I will take responsibility for at one point nt paying attention to our one+ year old baby Dino dosing off maybe and rolling down the hill? It was more of a tumble or to be completely honest a train wreck and very scary. He cried a bit and started to fall asleep so we gathered our troops and came home, bathed and went to bed without a peep. A raging success. Then The Supermodel came home. Yep, ALL BY MYSELF! No one was bleeding from any new wounds and they were asleep when she got home. I want a parade!

What it really looked like. That's the Dino

big bad wolf

June 23 was the last time I wrote? For Shame. I won't be providing you with a summer wrap up this year as I don't remember it. Age is a cruel mistress. I do remember last night.

There has been a bit of back and forth over how best to bed down the little ones at night. The Supermodel led a coup and started putting the dinosaur down in his crib but letting El Fox stay up and then be read to in MY bed. She would then fall asleep in MY bed and have to be moved into HER bed in a style not dissimilar to a cat burglar trying to return things. You all know how I feel about returning things.

I just moved her. Wait did you hear her wake up?

I have since put a stop to this and have suffered mightily for it. The dinosaur is, to be kind, needy. His sister is chatty due to genetics. This makes the process difficult. Last night, I put him in the crib after holding him and rocking him. I then go to lay with her and tell her good night. She begs every night for you to "stay with me a little while." Last night? "Go away daddy." Fine. I didn't want to snuggle anyway. The issue arose after I walked out. Apparently, he has realized that his crib is close enough to the light switch and he is tall enough to thwart our efforts as soon as we walk out.

Coast is Clear! Cue the Lights and Music

At some point last night after they fell asleep, she woke back up and called out to me from under the door. I go in and tuck her back in and she wants to have a chat about the big bad wolf under her bed. Now my parental logic is really starting to come into its own these days. She has a big stuffed fox in the bed with her. "Obviously, no monsters or big bad wolves can get you if you have a large stuffed fox near by," I explain. Her quote while giving me a hug and a kiss was "Well I am         Fox. So no big bad wolfs will get me either." She is the best. How can you not love her when she is asleep?

Photoshop skills still on point.

In other news, she has declared her costume for Halloween of her own accord. She will be Gloria the Hippo from the cartoon Madagascar. No, really. The only requirement of the costume thus far is that "you make a big belly." So be on the lookout for a Grey sweatsuit. Also, maybe a pink tutu. I am hoping for a Fantasia/Madagascar mash up. Fan-gas-car. or Mad-Tasia.

The Boyz are too busy for their own good now that they are both in middle school and getting grown. You can no longer tell Wilson and The Supermodel apart from a distance of more than 5 feet. I need him to get taller soon. His quote of the month thus far, prompted by nothing in the conversation, was given at random during dinner. "It's all about context clues." Yes son. Yes it is.

Mr. Fabulous is on his way to mastering the bassoon. I had reservations but now realize the real benefit. He will be able to play the march from The Sorcerer's Apprentice from Fantasia. I think we may have a family halloween theme with accompaniment?

The Dino will totally be her alligator. Now for the rest of us?? Suggestions Welcomed

Flying is Dumb

If you know me, you know of my 3 irrational fears. In no particular order:
1. The Dentist
2. Returning Items
3. The Airport

I decided to attend the 39th Annual Meeting of the American Arachnological Society in Mitchell South Dakota to present my current research and meet the most famous spidermen and spiderwomen currently working in the US. The problem arose when I discovered that driving wouldn't be permissible by my university due to flying being marginally less expensive. Thus began the saga. I feel like it is epic in scope but realize that I am ridiculous.

Now if you fly regularly for work, pleasure or perhaps because you are a human living in a modern world where flying is a foregone conclusion, STOP here. What follows will seem like a normal experience. You have no frame of reference. It is well known that the last time I was forced to fly, I ended up in an airport bathroom in Memphis huddled in a corner and quietly sobbing. It ended with me getting a ride on the trash cart/golf cart thing through the terminal with a guy named for Thelonious Monk. Eventually I was picked up outside baggage claim by two very nice men in camouflage pajamas driving a Hummer. If you ever want to feel better about yourself, lets go grab a drink and I will recount that one again.

Not who you want holding a sign with your name at baggage claim in the middle of the night. 

If you are still reading this, don't blame me for this whiney post.

Where to start? How about at 4:30 when 2Pop, my father, came to pick me up from The Home. We were almost to the airport when I realized that I didn't have my ID. No big deal, we don't live too far from the airport. Most people would be frustrated. I sunk into my seat and hyperventilated. I am ridiculous. Back home, RUN through house, grab ID and back to car. I will say that I tried calling the Supermodel for help but she was dead. She is resurrected daily after about two cups of coffee. She was useless to me.

I get to the airport and line up for TSA. If you are nervous, don't fly.

Long story short, I did what I was asked but still had some guy get fresh with me and feel up and then want to swab my hands for explosives and that was after I used like 12 of those buckets to put my stuff in. Those buckets are hard to figure out.

Both Please

TSA was really the worst part. Flying early means that the crowds were light. I found my gate and saw ORD on the screen and watched it as though it would change at any minute causing me to repeat my Memphis ordeal.  After that it was smooth sailing to Chicago and on to South Dakota. There was a bit of confusion upon arrival. My ride from there to Mitchell thought my flight was late by 4 and a half hours and I got the opportunity to enjoy the airport. One word: Netflix. Air travel isn't so bad after all.

This flying thing is other than TSA is awesome. I should do this more. 

The way home you ask? I was supposed to be back yesterday around 5. I find myself 1300 miles or 19 hours by car from the meetings that I should be in today. Denver has a nice airport though. Oh my day yesterday you ask?

Leave meeting at 8:30AM and am at Souix Falls Regional Airport ready to catch my 11:23AM flight at one of their 7 gates by 10AM. Bonus travel tip: TSAs at regional airports are the best TSAs. First hiccup: weather in Chicago. My plane was late getting to South Dakota but landed as an emergency. That is reassuring. So delayed waiting for a part. I lose my mind again because I will miss my next flight. They have never dealt with this before and I am the only person who has ever gone through it. Eventually pull my panic into check and get updated ticket for Chicago to Birmingham from a nice woman at the counter who acted like I wasn't the first person to have to switch flights. We are delayed until 3PM waiting on part. Part can't leave Chicago to get to us. Around 3 the flight is canceled due to mechanical issues.

My travel spirit companion

Cue the internal meltdown. This proves to me that flying every 10 years is too often.

Apparently it is really good news that it was mechanical. I wait for everyone else to get tickets sorted before me out of chivalry and pure fear of losing it outwardly. The very nice young woman offered to let me fly from SD to Denver to Chicago to Birmingham over night but couldn't promise the Chicago flight would even happen. No thanks. I took the, stay over night, fly to Colorado in the morning and then be home by 2 PM option. Great. I found out that they will pay for a hotel room and give me 7 dollars to eat supper. I think the only people in my family that can eat for 7 dollars are The Supermodel and Lil Dino but I am grateful. Whatever, I supplement the food voucher and grab a whole pizza and eat it as I have missed lunch and it is around 3.

 Flight Delays > Velociraptors

I have gathered my thoughts and call the hotel to get a shuttle. They have no idea who I am. The nice woman who gave me the voucher was supposed to call and reserve room but forgot. I tell them I have the CC number on the voucher and can give it to them. That won't work, I have to go get in a new line with a new woman because I already left the gate area and have to go to the bag check area. All flights out of this place have become overbooked and Rome is burning. The airline employees are catching the brunt of it. I get back in line at a bit after three.

I just want to get out of this airport!

My neighbor in line was given a free one-week trip to Turkey but couldn't go for two days in a row. This is her third day to try. I let her go first. It is 4 o'clock when I get to the counter looking like a dog who has been beaten into submission by a line of maybe 10 people that took an hour to navigate.

Oh sorry was that out loud? Can you please help me?

The woman apologizes and gets me set up. I am in bed at the Best Western by 6 with Benadryl and a strong desire to sleep.

I wake up to fight another day and go to meet the hotel arranged taxi at 5 AM to catch my 6:15 flight. Taxi is 20 minutes late and I can see my life slipping away and consider looking for funeral homes in Sioux Falls. Get to the airport eventually and go through the super sweet small town TSA from the day before, only to get pulled out of line because my laptop is going to be used in some nefarious way. I got through that ordeal and went to my gate to check in and get a seat because as I walk up all I hear is "overbooked" and "stand-by."

OVERBOOKED????

Of course it is the first woman from yesterday who gave me the voucher for the room but forgot to actually book it. I didn't even mention it. I got a seat and made my way to where I sit now. I just looked up and I think they have changed my gate for the third time but I don't have the will to move. So, they will have to bring the plane to me. I may request a wheelchair at this point.

All this so that I could hang out, drink beer and stare at spider sex organs for 7 days now. Next year all this spider porn is the international meeting and held in Denver. I may just wait here for it.

Dear Family, I did the best I could which is somehow further away

Monday Night in The Home

So seventh grade band concert tonight. I got out of it this year but am home with the other three. Afternoon you ask?

Get boys.
Groceries.
Dishes cleaned.
Start cooking ethnic delight (ikea Swedish meatballs, don't knock em).
Dinner by 4:50 so supermodel and aarp can leave by 5:10 to avoid the throngs of fans/parents mobbing the concert.
Then clear table.
Start aristocats for El Fox.
Switch to 101 Dalmatians.
Grab small brother and begin THE process.
Endure the first hour of laying next to him while he counts the ways in which you are not his mother at the top of his lungs.
At one and one half hours wake up with him asleep with is head firmly planted on your chest. He had tried this position before but smacked my chest and pulled and pushed like he was fighting a cheap hotel pillow. Now I am not good enough because I am flat chested.
Extract yourself from his clutches without waking the beast.
More dishes and blogging to avoid putting El Fox down.

Time to read about George and the ice cream shop.

Updates:
It is the next morning now.
The Supermodel came home and helped with El Fox
I did dishes again. From now on we are eating off paper plates and drinking from a water fountain
Small brother woke up again.
Supermodel lays with him and falls asleep herself.
Wake up Supermodel for wine and to move him out of my spot in the bed and to his room.
He then proceeds to not sleep at all but takes up my spot in the bed. To be fair I was in and out of it. I finally gave up at four and went to lay with El Fox so that I could get enough sleep to get the four minions to school this morning while The Supermodel slept in a bit.

The good news is that everyone was in a great mood this morning. I really do love them all and can't imagine my life without them.

Today has to be better though or I quit. 

Breakfast, Dancing, and Data Driven Weight Gain

Lets start at the beginning

This past weekend was the Pancake Breakfast. Thank you all for your support unless you didn't support the boys in which case, there is always next year.

Mr. Fabulous was fabulous and was in charge of the drink service and bussing of tables. He got rave reviews.

Back up plan if the whole college thing doesn't pan out

I flipped pancakes from 5:30 until noon. I now have flippers wrist. I have filed my workers comp claim.

Seriously it was a lot. 

My smoking hot supermodel wife was up and at em by 7. That deserves a round of applause. She was making 200 cups of coffee every half hour. Not a bad job for her as half of those were probably for her own personal consumption. I will come back to the small two as they are their own struggle.

don't tell her but this is her Christmas present

Now as for AARP, well he has his own struggles as well. He has had some difficulty adjusting to having a phone and rules associated with them and stayed up texting until midnight the night before. We won't delve into the details of why he won't have his phone for a week, just know not to call him. The other fun of this? I woke him up at 5 AM the next morning to go to the pancake breakfast. The Boys and I were there helping until around 3 in the afternoon. He got to carry a lot of things and sweat. The plan was for him to come home and cut grass but he was helpful and not grumpy so he got to cut it the next morning. That kid will be the cause of my heart troubles that haven't happened yet. See photos

You know what, my wording would be
don't be a doofus or maybe say goodbye to your little friend.

Saturday morning. Even has the robe and slippers. This is forever how I will picture AARP now

We are working up to this combination of mowing and Just Dance

His shenanigans seemed to have rubbed off on The Shadow and Baby Dino as neither of them want to sleep anymore. Granted asking them to go to sleep at 6 and sleep until 6 might be asking a bit of them but still. In addition to Smallest Brother not sleeping, he has begun to walk. We all knew this day was coming but how could we prepare. I feel like there should be a band playing in our house somewhere and someone rearranging deck chairs in the style of The Titanic. It is the beginning of the end. I don't mind him walking. It is cute. The problem is he only wants his mother, his lung capacity has increased, and now he is quick! His highly stylized gate is somewhere between an orangutan and a penguin.

Lil Reezy is working up to this. Lots of dancing in our future.

Mother's Day you ask? Well my mother, MiMi, is the best and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I will mention that she enjoyed hearing from the grandchildren a bit more than me. I could have assumed that would happen. The Supermodel got breakfast in bed and then (after grass cutting) we went shopping for her a bathing suit. The only upside to this is BEACH. I kept the little ones entertained while she tried to lower her self esteem one bathing suit at a time. I have been told it is the poor lighting and the mirrors and not any thing else and who am I to argue.

See honey, you should gain 10-25 extra pounds
for natural sex-appealing curves. Damn Mirrors!

It is finals week here at work and we are wrapping up. Another semester down and here comes the summer of fun (and dancing).