BigCat Productions and Tax Advice

Me you ask? I am about the same. Thanks for asking. Dog going was hard this week. But, I have a new scheme.

I may need some advice but I am looking into registering my family as a 403bNiner or whatever the numbers are. We are totally a not for profit that does charitable work. I know. I know. I can't refer to rearing my children as charity any more than I can call keeping them babysitting. If we ignore that for a moment, it seems brilliant. Imagine the fundraisers and pledge cards. 

Big Cat Productions could make a charity album. A gala ball. We could sell wrapping paper and boston butts. We could sell popcorn and KrispyKreme donuts. Okay not the donuts. You know on second thought, that sounds like a lot of work to get money. I have the cute faces to lure in donors. Rx's smile is stinking cute. We could charge to hold him and smell that baby smell.  

Wait Wait! Better idea. So, part of my working out includes running apparently. I am supposed to participate in the RibRun next month. It is a 5k where you stop every mile and get a rib to eat. In the summer was the KrispyKreme Run. You run half a 5k pick up a dozen donuts and run the other half. You can choose to eat or carry them. I propose a third leg to what is already called the iron belly. I have no idea what they would eat. Obviously not deviled eggs or milkshakes but something. 

This is my kind of medal.

First things first I need my tax shelter. 

I am telling you that this scheme more than any of my others may work. Just remember its for the kids. 

ImRexyAndIKnowIt

What do you say about child number 4? I am pretty sure he is here somewhere. During the planning of Mr. Fabulous' birthday party, a mother of one sat in on the matinee performance of "My Life." She was speechless by the end. It was a breath taking performance apparently. She simply shook her head and later recounted to her husband a single word: busy. This requires a certain amount of lubrication to keep the wheels turning smoothly.

How I like to picture the supermodel. Hello Ava Gardner

More realistic version also, More fun

A bit of a theorem I am working on

In and amongst all that busy is Lil Rxy. He now sits up and smiles more.

Some have called him a flirt. He does smile at women and give them the eyes. No he is not in training for this. It comes natural. 

Other news? Went for a 6 (and a half) month check-up. He is 6'2" which is impressive. That may be an exaggeration but he is long. his legs hang out of the car seat and I have caught them on every door frame on the way out of our house and at hand in paw. No he can't crawl yet. We are actively discouraging it. And talking. Discouraging that as well. Seriously you get to walk and talk your whole life. Take a break now and enjoy being catered to. 

He, like his sister, enjoys midnight gab sessions and mom is nice enough to provide the snacks. He can't stay in our room anymore though because he is so large that he broke is cradle. Yes you read that right. Tell him to get a trainer and go to yoga why don't cha?

Short Round

Weather happened last night. ShortRounds school, hand in paw, sent home all the bike helmets with the younglings so as to be prepared for the weather. I assume she was going to ride on the handle bars of the wicked witch. She wore it on the way back to school today. Why you ask? Because toddler.

Wait! You are my ride!

I have had realistic expectations for the kids mostly. If anything I have been underwhelmed by their behavior. I expected the worst. I mean child birth was a breeze that involved snacks and a recliner. For the most part it has been more of the same. Sure babies don't sleep all night sometimes and diapers and all that. Mostly, it has been fun and you block out the rest. Then, toddler. Don't get me wrong I love our short round, stay-putt, E.Nor, Foxxy Baby. In the last week or so, she has changed from the lovable, durable, future middle linebacker that we all know and love into a toddler. It wasn't until a couple of days ago when we saw the discharge running down the outside of her ear that we figured it out. 

I have an ear infection and am now going to kick your butt
(I seriously need to re-watch Little Giants. Come on, the annexation of Puerto Rico?)

I think that toddler is disease of the inner ear that while contained is harmless. Her tubes, however, allowed it to leak out and corrupt her. I blame that weekend retreat to Liberia with the layovers in Dallas and Spain. Seriously, I hope it is just an ear infection and we will get back my little monster soon. I do fear however that if toddler goes untreated it will turn into little girl then tween and finally teen. We need to nip this in the bud before it progresses. 

An Ear Infection caused all this!? 

Other recent relegations:

1. she enjoys led zeppelin, queen and ozzy. This morning was ZZ Top

2. she enjoys football games at daddy's school and sliding down hills on cardboard with her brothers

3. she enjoys sliding by herself more. She may get the school cheerleaders skirt and football jersey combo.

4. she likes waking up halfway through the night and requesting that I come lay with her....till morning

She is good. We love her. 

Mr. Fabulous

For some time Mr. Fabulous was the character with the most entertainment value in our home. I am not saying that he has been dethroned but rather that he is growing up. He just had his 11th birthday. This was a joint party affair with a girl from his school. It was mine craft themed and raised my anxiety to 11. Some number of 5th graders with beverages that stain and a toddler and at someone else's house. They assured me that the kids couldn't break or ruin anything but I assured them that my children are often the exception to such ideas.

It went off without a hitch and fun was had by all. In general he is doing great these days. He is bored at school and gets in trouble for answering too many questions. New strategies include allowing him to tutor 3rd graders when his behavior is exceptional. Also, he has taken to learning JAVA in his spare time at school. I can't help but encourage this as he has no clue what he is doing. It is good to watch him struggle for the first time in a long time.

Halloween is approaching and he suggested going as a nerd/geek. I just nodded and refrained from suggesting that he may already be a nerd.

His only stated goals this year include 1. learning to code and 2. kissing his girlfriend. We are in trouble as he is the most fabulous geek we know.

Hey girl! How you Darwin?

Middle School

I don't remember middle school very well. I remember having a group of boys I was close to and having fun outside of school. I don't remember the putting some kid in a trashcan before class and leaving him there until after class. Oh wait, thats because I didn't. Wilson did. If you ask him, he didn't put the kid in the trash can. He merely didn't take him out. Trust him though, it was okay and hilarious. 

Guys Seriously? I need to go get my Bassoon and get to class

Band is going well and we played our first football game. Not marching but in the stands. If you added all the people from the crowd and the cheerleaders and the football team, the band would still outnumber them. I have no idea when band got cool but it did in this little hamlet. 

This was a propaganda poster in my school. I am pretty sure I remember it.

Middle school and middle schoolers are weird. He is like that puppy that isn't tiny and cute anymore but not quite grown and is mostly legs. I think that he and RexyAndIKnowIt both grew 4 inches in the last month as well. Sheesh. 

Supermodels and Dolphins

The Supermodel is as beautiful and talented as ever. No real change there. She has begun to attend yoga classes with The Ginger. There are several issues associated with this.

First, the instructor hates her and life apparently. This person, still not sure of gender, is only referred to as a heavy breather that likes to punish my wife and everyone else in the class. At some point she almost stood up and walked out. Oh my Latina wife. She claims this woman makes up yoga positions that aren't real. The dolphin being her least favorite. Apparently, she dolphined for hours one day. What I gather is that it is a series of push ups? No idea.

This is like a dolphin but way easier and if her trainer looked like this
she would go way more often I am sure. Also, who wears a necklace
when they work out. I say this picture was photoshopped.

Second issue: She feels better. She has more energy. She has lost more IHadABaby weight. We discussed how everyone in our city now only knows her body shape as either pregnant or recently pregnant. I am referring to her as a recovering pregnant. It is a real issue. I digress, she is happy. This brings us to the real issue.

Issue Three: Apparently BigCat needs to exercise so he can feel the same way.... Fat and Happy has been evicted from his happy place. I start this week. Not sure what I am starting but there is time blocked out on our family calendar for me to go do something. Lift weights? Swim? Spin? Who knows. She is also demanding that I find a personal trainer so as to make me go.

See he is "training" I do the same training with different results.
I think I am doing it wrong

Issue Four: with all this extra energy she is now looking around for projects to complete. First up? Take a dremel and remove all the grout from our shower floor and re-grout.

She is doing well and looks great and feels great and does awesome things with our kids and is a superhero. I hate her. She makes the rest of us look bad. Real bad. But whatever, I have snacks.

Time for a miniseries

Now that the Pintrest project has wrapped at the house and life is back to normalcy, it is time for updates. Rather than 1 enormous post I will take the time to write one for each of the members of our house. I will start with pets in this post. Before E.Nor aka short round aka stay puff was born we lost our Big Dumb Animal, Kate Monster. Today we had to put down our other dog, June Bugg. I have been crying my eyes out but the doctor, who is a friend, agreed with my diagnosis and decision. Doesn't make it any better.

I wouldn't trade anything for the time I got to spend with that girl and her endless howling. She will be missed.

I will say however, no more dogs until there are no more diapers. Maybe longer but I can't see me being dog-less forever. Stupid dogs and their weaseling their way into our emotions.

Not Mr. Fabulous and JuneBugg but close. 

Blood and Donkeys

I made what I thought was a poor decision last week. Well, realistically it was months ago. I scheduled 3/4 of my minions to go and see the dentist all in the same afternoon. Now where 3/4 go the 1/4 must follow. Important points of interest.
1. The dentist is a family friend
1b. He raises miniature donkeys for fun. Basically he is a great person.
2. He only typically sees adults and if I'm honest only geriatric adults. That may be a bit much but its close.
3. His waiting room has less seats than we have family members and is quite well appointed.

It is hard to hate anyone who helps
fill the earth with mini-donkeys (not the kid)

Scene is set. Enter from stage left The Hoard.

I have for the past few weeks been blue. It tends to lead to anxiety. This visit to the doctor would jump up and down all over my current unease. Or not?

Boys were angels. Stay-Puft aka Short Round watched the first get his cleaning and was into it. Really into it. Once Wilson was done she jumped ahead of Mr. Fabulous in the queue and demanded that her teeth be next. She had a purple toothbrush and a sticker to earn. Earn them she did. Best patient ever. To be fair she only has like 10 teeth or something. Mr. Fabulous was next and we were out of there. Even I'mRexy&IKnowIt was well behaved and endearing to the staff.

We walked out and that was it.... Until yesterday.

Inner monolog.

Yesterday I had to go. Now don't forget our points of interest about the Dentist. Again let me say he is the nicest and gentlest dentist I have ever been to. His hygienist is a doll. BigCat on the other hand is a big hot mess. I only have 3 mortal fears. Compared to some people that is mild. It just so happens that one of mine is the most cliche. Dentists. It is irrational. I love everyone in the office as people.

At some point in my life I had the opportunity to replace some teeth that I misplaced. There were a pair of root canals and fancy new teeth glued into my head. I somehow associate dentists and those visits with all the other nasty things going on in my life at that time. So, I hate the idea of dental appointments. Not the dentist. I reiterate, he is great.

No matter how much anxiety medicine I take prophylacticly, I lose my dang mind. I stop being chatty. I get tunnel vision. I generally freak. It was so bad yesterday that I panicked and rushed home to brush before the appointment. Did I brush lik
e a normal human? No. I brushed with the vigor and determination of the gods.  Sometimes gums bleed a little when you brush. No biggy. Yesterday, I think I ruptured my face artery. I was near tears freaking out and now there were copious amounts of my vitality pouring out of my face.

I digress. No I don't have great brushing and flossing habits. We all have things we could work on. That is one of mine. Don't judge. The hell I put myself through yesterday is irrational. I know this.

By child, they mean adult. Rational Reasonable Adult.

I survived and the best part is I get to go back in 6 months. Maybe ShortRound will hold my hand next time.